What is With These Beards?

Look, beards are great, okay. Beards are cool, like their sexy cousin, stubble. Beards can even magically make some people look better than they looked beardless!

Case in point. Pictured: a magical beard.

But recently some famous celebrities have been walking the red carpet at the Golden Globes, the SAG Awards, and probably the Oscars with variations of horrendous beards. Let me demonstrate something:

This is how you wear a beard. It's
like an accessory.

Now check this out:

Their orange beards make me want to cry. Not because orange is a bad color for a beard- remember Jesse up there? And not because the color reminds me of spicy food and that makes my eyes water. This would be like that dress Helena Bonham Carter wore to the Golden Globes. Remember that one? Yeah. Stuff...just didn't match. That's what these beards remind me of. Okay, that's their natural beard color, what can they do? It's not bad that the color doesn't match, they just look ridiculous.