Distinctive Face of the Week: Colin Farrell

I'd like you all to know that this weekly post takes longer than a movie review to write. It takes longer than making fun of the Golden Globes red carpet looks. It takes forfreakingever. Why? Because it takes me all day to find someone with a truly distinctive face. I tried to make Anne Hathaway this week's distinctive face before realizing she looks strikingly similar to Emmy Rossum. Then I tried Demi Moore, but she looks like Jordana Brewster. Mila Kunis looks like Vanessa Hudgens, Zac Efron looks like a young Jared Leto, and then I was like, "oh What about Ashley Olson?" Before remembering she has a literal freaking twin. I figured this would be a quick and easy addition to this blog until I found out just how rare a distinctive face really is...

This week's Distinctive Face? Colin Farrell

It's like George Clooney and Enrique Iglesias had an Irish lovechild who looks
like he melts chocolate with his eyes

Ah Colin Farrell. Where to begin? Farrell is kind of like a Tom Hanks- he does Forrest Gump and then he does...Da Vinci Code. Colin here has been in some excellent films, and directed by the likes Oliver Stone, Joel Schumacher, Steven Spielberg, Woody Allen, and Peter Weir. He's been nominated over and over for Best Actor awards from pretty much everyone except the Academy, but also he was Bullseye in Daredevil. Yeah, remember that? NO! Ack don't recall it, it's too awful. 

Here's to make you feel better and forget about that whole Daredevil business

Farrell broke into mainstream Hollywood in 2000's Tigerland, and has been working his way up to the big time ever since. True, his career has been spotted with "eh" moments, but overall he's established himself as a versatile, talented actor. Farrell usually takes on challenging, not-the-norm roles, often affecting an accent. He's been cast in supporting roles under Tom Cruise, Christian Bale, Kevin Spacey, but graduated to leading roles in recent years. His life in the spotlight has been characterized by scandals- a sex tape, a crazy stalker, drugs and alcohol threatened to derail his career until he got sober.

I pretty much just don't want to write another paragraph
so um...here is this picture, 'cause it, you know, says a
thousand words and stuff.

Best moment of his career so far? His role as a hitman with a heart in the dark comedy In Bruges. Think Boondock Saints meets a bit of Snatch. Check it. 'Cause it's amazing. His latest projects are London Boulevard with Keira Knightley, and The Way Back, which I've talked about before. Expect to see him later this year in the comedy Horrible Bosses, which stars kind of everyone, including the guy from the Old Spice commercials. Seriously.

Aw he has a nice smile too. Look,
Seriously, this is just so much better
than more words, right?

Review: The Social Network

When the unconventional posters for The Social Network were released in conjunction with its dramatic, innovative trailer, the world knew this movie would be something else. Or maybe I'm just obsessed with trailers. No matter.

The Social Network is directed by David Fincher, who isn't really a household name despite the fact that he's directed films like Benjamin Button and Fight Club. Martin Scorcese, Steven Spielberg, James Cameron...they tend to make "bigger" films in the sense that they make a billion dollars. Fincher, on the other hand, is a little more selective; he's less prolific, and his films rarely ever graze the $100 million mark. But this guy knows what he's doing. After all, got Aaron Sorkin on board, who is one of the most beloved screenwriters I know of for his show, The West Wing, which ran for seven fast-talking seasons. If you know Kevin Smith, you know he's infamous for writing long-winded monologues for his characters. Sorkin is known for dialogue as well, but in a different way. He writes fast-paced give-and-take conversation like no other. Social Network is very much an idea that Sorkin was meant to write the words to. He captures Zuckerberg, Parker, the Winklevoss twins beautifully, and without any trepidation. Despite the fact that the media has downplayed the reality of the caricatures Sorkin created in comparison to the actual people, I beg to differ. Their souls are right there on film. Watch an interview with Zuckerberg, or Parker, and you'll recognize what Sorkin brought to the screen right there. I loved Sorkin's Zuckerberg, but his Winklevoss twins were spot on, and oh so humorous they stole every scene they were in.

The film stars Jesse Eisenberg, who has been on the rise the last couple of years seemingly out of nowhere. He's been around for maybe ten years, but in 2009 he did five films in the course of one year. Considering he's only done like 20 films, that's a quarter of his career in one year. That year's Adventureland and Zombieland put him in the big leagues, and he was soon acting alongside some of the biggest names in showbiz. Now he's starring in a film that he's been nabbing nominations for like crazy. He's expected to be announced as an Academy Award nomination for Best Actor later today.

"omg you guys, just hand over my Oscar already"

 And this guy was born to deliver lines written by Aaron Sorkin, which is awesome. And if you haven't seen the movie yet, be prepared to get the creepy crawlies at the intensity of his cold staring black eyes as he bites his words from his mouth. Beautifully done.

Justin Timberlake has a major role as Sean Parker, the guy who invented Napster, and also a driving force behind why Facebook is the biggest, coolest thing ever these days. Andrew Garfield portrays Eduardo Savarin, Zuckerberg's financial partner when they started Facebook, whom Zuck eventually coldly cut out of the company. His strong performance may have contributed to his landing the new Spider-Man reboot movie (which I still have not formed opinions about). Armand Hammer, otherwise known as Armie Hammer, but come on, let's just call him by his name people, it's so much funnier, plays both Winklevoss twins. Which is also awesome.

Also he- er they. Er he. Look great in a suit.

The story of Facebook, as told by The Social Network, is a story of an insanely smart dude, someone who understands how people tick maybe better than he understands how he himself ticks. It's the dramatic story of friendship, of betrayal, and of a rise to a kind of fortune people don't even dream of because it's so impossible.

"Yeah, well, people always thought being this
gorgeous was too impossible to dream of too
but here I am"

Look, people have said that it's too dramatized, it's unfair to Zuck, it doesn't tell the whole story, or whatever. And yeah, Zuckerberg rented out a theater and took the whole company to see the movie when it came out, supposedly in a show of good humor and acceptance or something. Yeah I don't buy it. This guy is smart okay. He obviously can't decry the film, because it makes him look bad. Instead, support it, be kind, be cool. It's all about being cool. Then take the office to see it to demonstrate to them that you're awesome, you get movies made about you, you're cool, you're in charge, and you will screw them over if they mess with you. Sounds smart to me. YOU CAN'T FOOL ME ZUCKERBERG!

Now I'm gonna link this to Facebook.

Director: David Fincher
Rated: PG-13 for sexual content, drug and alcohol use, and language.
IMDb page
Trailer:

2011 Golden Globes: Photo Nomination

I hereby nominate this photo for most awkward Red Carpet look.

Jane Krakowski. Ready to give birth, even at the Golden Globes.

This really is a wonderful dress, and a great color, but also she's pregnant. Did you see Natalie Portman's dress? Okay, it was simple, modest, very motherly, great color choice, and it looked great on her. But Jane Krakowski here is wearing four-inch heels which, unless she's on some crazy pain medications, are probably killing her back. The dress has also been tailored not just for a pregnant woman, but specifically for her pregnant belly, so it is cradled in some very tight fabric. What makes this dress the most awkward of the night is the slit up the side. Is that for easy access in case she goes into pre-term labor, because that's the only explanation I can think of.

2011 Golden Globes: Just a Quick Laugh

This is Annette Bening at the Golden Globes and R-Patz like three years ago. The striking similarity was just too funny to not post, my friends.

2011 Golden Globe Awards: Dress Mess

First of all, let's talk fashion. We can discuss the actual awards after. Let me start off by saying that every other woman arriving on the red carpet looked like she was headed for a high school prom (Jenna Ushkowitz, Mila Jovovich, Julia Stiles, Kelly Osbourne, Piper Perabo, I'm talking to you). The actresses who weren't going to prom were wearing sleek silhouettes and gorgeous nudes, neutrals, and pretty pinks, and it looked like some of them even let their children dress them (Aw cute? Uh, no). Let's take a look at the 2011 Golden Globes fashion...


Clothing Confusion...
That's what these had to be. Just a little mistake. One of those "it seemed like a good idea at the time" fashion oopses. Their make up is sweet and their hair is perfect, but the dress just kinda ruins it with its confused design.

Elizabeth Moss's green dress has a wonderful neckline, but it quickly becomes a mess of asymmetrical lines and random pleating. Jane Lynch's dress was too heavy, even tall as she is, and the texture is feathery one moment, and pleating the next, and then there's the belt and the awkward neck. Hope Davis' dress would have been gorgeous if its design weren't so schizo. Lace seems to have been assigned at random, but the silhouette is pretty.

Oh that's not that...mm okay, yeah it is...

Sometimes it's the little things that make or break a dress. It could be the fabric that just doesn't work, or the shape, or maybe your shoes are just weird. Even a flat hairstyle can take the air out of your outfit's sails (cough Olivia Wilde cough).

With Tina Fey's dress, there seems to be something awkward about the fabric, and something uncomfortable about its over-clinginess, and there's definitely something funky about those shoulder pleats. Jennifer Lopez's gown is downright gorgeous. She would have been on the best dressed list...if it weren't for that ridiculous cape. I don't know where to begin with Heidi Klum's dress. It doesn't seem to fit, the waist is bulky, and the material seems to drape in all the wrong ways.

Face Palm...
You've been warned. What you are about to see may cause you to slap yourself compulsively and repetitively in the face. These ladies were going for an edgy look, but it seems they may have fallen off the edge and into a swamp of "aaaaaugh"

Gabourey Sidibe usually shows up on the red carpet dazzling in a perfect gown, but this seems to be the exception. This floral nightgown should have stayed at home. Julianne Moore. The color is loud, which is great, but the one long sleeve swooping up to grab the gold halter neck is just a little too..."what?" Halle Berry has been a red carpet glamour icon, but she seems to have lost her way in the mall and stumbled out of Victoria's Secret onto the red carpet. The bodice could have worked, but the sheer asymmetry and odd layering going on in the skirt spoils the look.

Queens of the Dress Mess...
Somehow they were let out of the house looking like this. Why? We may never know.

January Jones's scarlet dress was sizzlin' hot. Except for the fringe going on at the bottom. And the fact that when I saw it I immediately thought of this scene from The Fifth Element when Mila Jovovich runs around scantily clad. 

Can we talk about the fact that her shoes don't match?  Also her dress seems to be coming FROM EVERYWHERE and it creates a four-foot radius of dress doom that no one wants to wander into. Also she's wearing sunglasses and appears to have fashioned her hair into a fuzzy hat.

I'll be the first to admit I've never been a fan of Tilda Swinton's minimalism, but I have always been intrigued by her red carpet looks. Until this. Everything about the cut is awkward- the material, the hem, the sleeves...please make it go away.

2011 Golden Globe Awards: Best Dressed

First of all, let's talk fashion. We can discuss the actual awards after. Let me start off by saying that every other woman arriving on the red carpet looked like she was headed for a high school prom (Jenna Ushkowitz, Mila Jovovich, Julia Stiles, Kelly Osbourne, Piper Perabo, I'm talking to you). The actresses who weren't going to prom were wearing sleek silhouettes and gorgeous nudes, neutrals, and pretty pinks, and it looked like some of them even let their children dress them (Aw cute? Uh, no). Let's take a look at the 2011 Golden Globes fashion...

Creams, Neutrals, and Nudes...
Carrie Underwood, Julie Bowen, Michelle Williams, and Leighton Meester also looked smashing in their beige ensembles, and Helen Mirren dazzled in her golden gown, but these ladies take the cake for wearing their creams and neutrals best.

Anne Hathaway, Scarlett Johansson, and Sandra Bullock rocked the glitter and neutrals shades

Sarah Hyland, Kaley Cuoco, and Dianna Agron wore elegant designs with both fun textures and classic style.

 Honorable Mentions for Best Gown...
Nicole Kidman looked statuesque in her white column of a dress, and Mila Kunis wore a flattering jewel green gown; I've heard plenty about Angelina Jolie's matronly glittering dress, and Amy Adams' luxurious navy gown was lovely; Edie Falco's red dress was pretty, but not amazing; Kyra Sedgewick wore a flowing goldenrod gown; Glee's Naya Rivera nearly made the list, which would have put three Glee stars on the Honorable Mentions; but I have to say these ladies looked so phenomenal that they make the rest of the crowd of gowns look boring.

Eva Longoria's gown is exquisite, Amber Riley's is so glamorous, and Lea Michelle's pick in both color and design
is yet another hit for the young style icon.

Emma Stone's unexpected sleek and simple dress was very nearly the best dress on the red carpet. There's something about simplicity that's more elegant than all the ruffles in the world. Christina Hendricks provided the red carpet with some of her red bombshell allure; the hair, the silver accessories, the touch of modesty, all combined into a great look. Natalie Portman wore her baby bump with style in enchanting pink and red silk. Catherine Zeta Jones brought the glamour of Scarlett O'Hara, in a dramatic forest green gown that made her stand out in a crowd of slim designs.

 Best Dress...
Glee's Heather Morris wore the best gown of the evening. With a simple updo, and natural makeup, the young actress let her outfit do the talking. The strong silhouette, the creamy color, the simplicity of it make it the best dress of the evening, hands down.

Movie Posters Accidentally Gone Wrong II

Sometimes I see a movie poster and wonder what the design team was thinking when they put it together. Some posters just weren't meant for this time period, others seem to have worrisome double meanings, and still others are just sort of...off. Here are a few posters gone wrong.

This poster has several different, but equally disturbing messages. 1) This poor rabbit is on a conveyor belt, or maybe a shelf, of chocolate rabbits and is about to be eaten. He stands naively at ease waiting to die. 2) This rabbit has just cruelly and gleefully turned his fellow rabbits into chocolate statues that will now be eaten. Look at the fear in the eyes of those chocolate bunnies and tell me I'm wrong. That smug look on the real rabbit's face now looks a little sinister, now doesn't it? 3) This is an actual rabbit touching regular old chocolate bunnies in an assembly line. Let me remind you that rabbits carry a variety of terrible diseases that can be transmitted to humans, including rabies. Now think again how you feel about a rabbit touching food that children will soon eat. Yes. It's gross.

. I never really thought about it, but once I noticed it, now I can't stop noticing it. This has got to be the absolute most awkward pose they could possibly have picked. The poor girl is bent over, and stretching her neck to look up, as she stretches her arms down in holding flowers. Mostly she looks like she really needs to use the bathroom.

 I don't need to explain this, right? It's the eyes. Aaaaaaaagh it's the eyes!

 Star Trek. Waving the flag of gay pride in space.

 This movie is coming out in 2011. It features an emotionally distant Mel Gibson carrying a beaver puppet around and using it to speak to people. Need I say more? Everything about this movie is absurdly hilarious.

Okay last one. This is the Grinch. On someone's roof in the dead of night. With no pants. Awkward. Also can I just mention that his dog is uh, looking up. Awkward.

Distinctive Face of the Week: Jensen Ackles

Seriously, they say plastic surgery is like an epidemic in LA, but why is no one talking about the rampant cloning?

In the world of entertainment, your face is everything. This may surprise you, but let's be honest, it's not your voice that really matters, look at Taylor Swift or Justin Bieber. They don't have the pipes of say, Jennifer Hudson, but you can bet their shows are bigger. And it's not your talent that matters either. Case in point? The entire cast of Twilight. Minus Anna Kendrick, because she actually has talent in addition to her distinctive face. No, what really matters is your image, your face. Sometimes it seems like actors and actresses just blend together in a big steaming pile of hotness sometimes, but every once in awhile, a distinctive face jumps out at you.

Take Jensen Ackles for example. He has one Distinctive Face.

The guy is all chin, and all pout. He was on soaps like Days of Our Lives (which got him not one, not two, but three Daytime Emmy noms) and Dark Angel for a few years, and even Dawson's Creek, before guest starring on CW's Smallville. Audiences liked him so much he got his own show on the CW that same year, Supernatural, which has been so successful that it's now in its sixth season.

Supernatural follows two brothers, Sam and Dean, as they travel around the country in their dad's '67 Chevy Impala fighting supernatural evil. The greatest shows that have lasted longest on television are almost invariably relationship-based. Lost? not about mystery or mythology, it's about people. X Files? Not about aliens- it's Scully and Mulder that kept that show alive. Supernatural is the same way; it's about the relationship between two brothers, it's about family. It's also about Ackles making this face:

Which he tends to do a lot. About every other scene. The best part of Supernatural is the strange ease with which the writers and actors poke fun at themselves. In season four the show took on a whole new dimension when the brothers discover by accident that a series of "fiction" books has become popular that actually documents their lives in impossibly accurate detail. Is something...supernatural going on? Well of course. The rest of the season mixes comedy with the show's normally serious story arc as more about the books and their mysterious author comes to light. The show's writers do as much as possible to tear down the fourth wall as the brothers attend a convention for the books, are confronted by their own fans, and discover slash fanfiction written about them on the internet. In a particularly hysterical episode the book's author tells his fans, "It's not jumping the shark if you never come back down." If only Lost had discovered its comedic side and could have addressed how Kate always managed to keep her legs shaved...but I digress. Ackles is at his best here on a show that celebrates cheese, caters to its fans, and gives him plenty of reason to make that brooding face.

He can show off that pout any time he likes as far as I'm concerned. Ackles has done a few movies, but nothing huge. His role as Priestly from the Indie film Ten Inch Hero garnered great reviews, but the movie never got a wide theater release, so no one saw it. No matter, some actors are meant for television. Like David Duchovny of X Files or Nathan Fillion of Firefly, Ackles is meant for it.  Here's to hoping he and his distinctive face will grace our televisions for years to come.

IMDb page

Suggestion: Go to YouTube and search for funny moments from the show, particularly the episodes "Monster at the End of the Book" and "Tall Tales"

Promised Greatness That Was Never Delivered

Some trailers make the films they advertise look incredible. I mean, remember the Watchmen trailer? Incredible. Or what about the Kick Ass trailer? If we're talking amazing trailers, we can't leave out 300 or Dark Knight, or fail to mention The Matrix or Cold Mountain, and certainly included on the list would be Hot Fuzz, Deathly Hallows, Two Towers, and The Social Network. Do you remember the trailer for The Strangers? I literally cannot get through just the trailer without chills. The first time I saw it I was sitting in a movie theater and people were actually gasping aloud in fear. That scene where that masked guy is just standing there in the house behind Liv Tyler, a lady in the audience screamed. Now that's a damn good trailer.

But some trailers promise true greatness...and then the film doesn't deliver. It's actually possible to make a lame movie look awesome with a perfect trailer. Even I, the great trailer connoisseur, can be fooled. Watch each trailer for these examples, read my assessments and tell me what you think...

The Happening

Come on, when you saw this trailer for the first time, you were freaked. I know when I saw it for the first time I honestly thought M. Night might be making his comeback. I mean, the people falling from the sky? The music? The actors? It looked really, really good. And in fact the first quarter of the movie was pretty alright. Aaaaand then it was plants. Oops, did I spoil that for anyone? Yeah well you don't want to see this anyhow. Literally, the villain of the movie, the big M. Night Shyalmalan twist is plants. Plants are releasing a toxin that makes you commit suicide. That's literally the entire plotline, the entire story, the entire thing. Mark Wahlberg and Zooey Deschanel spend half the movie running from wind rippling the tall grass.

Read the original caption. Now understand my response: THEY FLED TO A FARM?!
IT'S PLANTS! PLANTS ARE THE EVIL! RUN FROM THE FAAAAARM!

 Talk about a let-down.

The Losers

This trailer made this movie look like a nonstop action flick with big names that would be high on entertainment and low on being as crappy as being a guy unlucky enough to be turned into a vampire while he was fat and prepubescent and now has to live out eternity that way with a squeaky voice and BO. Instead we got the fat vampire, if you've been following the analogy. Aside from Chris Evans, who was actually highly entertaining, even Justin Long didn't deliver, and Zoe Saldana and the rest of the cast just sort of plodded alongside the pointless action. You want an action flick to have pointless action, but The Losers really overdid it. The villain was overplayed, and the plot was underdeveloped, even for an action movie, and that's saying something. Aside from a few great scenes (all can be seen in the trailer) the rest of the movie blows like bad gas from that bean burrito lunch that you do not  want blown in your face. Yes, smell that right now. It's failure.

Star Wars: The Phantom Menace

If you're like me, you may have been raised in a household in which lines to the Star Wars movies were frequently quoted, and watching Episodes IV, V, and VI were a monthly affair. Lightsaber battles were acted out as a game, complete with "Wah wah wah" noises. So if you're like me, you might remember the thrill that went through you upon first seeing this trailer. The theme, quiet at first, bursts into a crescendo. There's Obi-Wan, Yoda, and is that? Yes! 3PO and R2! My gosh, the effects look amazing! Oh won't it be great! And there's even a glimpse of young Anakin Skywalker before he becomes the evil Darth Vader, isn't he cute? Aaaand then you actually saw the movie. AND THEN YOU BECAME ANGRY AND IF THE FORCE EXISTED YOUR ANGER WOULD HAVE TURNED TO HATE AND YOU WOULD HAVE SUFFERED BECAUSE YOUR BELOVED SERIES WAS RUINED FOREVER by bad dialogue and a child actor WHO CAN'T ACT.

"Aaaag I've suddenly and irreversibly become a dark sith master
because of the terrible job you did on this moviiiiie!"

There's a reason Jake Lloyd's acting career ended with Star Wars. It's because he can't act. I don't need to explain why this movie sucked, you saw it, you know. It was terrible, and we can all cry together over it now and dream of a remake twenty years from now.

I'm Most Excited About...#6

These are a few films that have been on my radar for some time, and they're the films I'm probably most excited to see. Some of these films have been released, but I haven't seen them yet, so there. Here's the sixth film of this series...

Poster design stolen from Babel but whatever

Let me start off by telling you that this movie is directed by Peter Weir, who has been nominated for Oscars, six times, four of them for Best Director. If you're unclear on what that means, that's the same number as Martin Scorcese. Weir has directed greats like The Truman Show, Witness, Gallipoli, Master and Commander, and Dead Poets Society. The guy has directed five actors in huge Oscar-nominated roles, and been nominated by the Director's Guild of America four times as Best Director. This is the guy who not only got the world to take Ace Ventura, Pet Detective seriously, but got him an Oscar nod. Just think about that for a second.

Let me remind you who Ace Ventura is...

Now let's take a look at the actors he's got lined up. We've got Jim Sturgess a Brit who broke into the mainstream with Across the Universe in 2007; Colin Farrell, an Irish gent who is one of the best under-appreciated actors in Hollywood today (seriously, have you seen In Bruge, or even heard of it? It's brilliant); Ed Harris, who has been at the height of his career in recent years with such masterpieces Beautiful Mind, A History of Violence, and Gone Baby Gone also stars. Mark Strong, who has been playing bad guys like there's no tomorrow at the rate of three or four or five a year for the last ten years, is - you guessed it- a villain.

In addition to these fine actors, Saoirse Ronan costars. In case you haven't heard of this up and coming prodigy of an actress, let me fill you in. Ronan starred alongside James McAvoy and Keira Knightley in a flawless performance in Atonement in 2007; it was her first year acting on the big screen. She was nominated for an Oscar, a Golden Globe, and a BAFTA for Best Supporting Actress. Since then she's been nominated by one guild or another for Best Actress in every single subsequent film she's been in. Every single one. Oh, did I mention that she was one of the youngest actresses to ever be nominated for an Oscar- she was 13. In 2009 TIME Magazine listed her performance in The Lovely Bones as the third greatest female performance of 2009, ahead of Meryl Streep. Her next film, coming out in 2011 is called Hanna, in which she plays a teenage assassin trained by her father to be a killing machine. After that she's slated to work with Peter Jackson in the first Hobbit movie. Let me just sum up what I'm trying to say. This kid picks winners. Every time.

"I am coming for you Oscaaaaar!"

Pretty much that's why this movie is set to kick ass. Peter Weir + incredible actors + Ronan the actress + Ronan the good luck charm. The film is set in the 1940s and the main characters are escapees from a Soviet gulag who must walk 4,000 miles to freedom, Epic right? Yeah, I thought so too. Also, can I just mention that the IMDb cast and crew page lists two characters called Garbage Eater #1 and Garbage Eater #2, which means...

Aaaaaaaaaa!

...Yes, an actual Oscar may also star. Either that or some guys eat garbage. Poor guys don't even get names.

Anyway, check out the trailer, it's great

Director: Peter Weir
Release Date: played at film festivals this fall, but so far no wide theater release.
Rated: PG-13 for violent content, depiction of physical hardships, a nude image and brief strong language.
IMDb page

Movie Posters Accidentally Gone Wrong

It's like that Aragorn scene in Lord of the Rings:
"The orcs are attackiiiing!" What? Wrong movie, sorry.

Somewhere in designing this poster someone just thought it would be funny. Then it actually got approved, and then before you know it it's on display all over the place. At least that's the only explanation I can think of for why a Bible story would get, first of all, a name like One Night With the King, making the main character sound like a hooker, or second how it then got the tagline, "Feel the touch of destiny". 

The movie is about the Biblical story of Esther, and the actress who plays the titular character has been on quite a few shows, and a few crap movies. More impressive is the line-up of supporting actors: Peter O'Toole, John Noble, John Rhys-Davies, and Omar Sharif, goodness gracious!

"Come here and feel the touch of destiny, my child..."

 Before you panic, none of these guys is the king who's supposedly touching Esther with his "touch of destiny". Yes, I exhaled that same sigh of relief. That guy is played by pretty boy Brit, Luke Goss, who's in a band and done some acting work. Whatevs. None of it is enough to save this poster from being made an example of. As if the title weren't bad enough the tagline makes it that much worse. The title is forgivable, but packaged with the tagline it's unforgettably sexual in a way that takes a Bible story about a queen trying to keep a king from mass murdering all her peeps, specifically the Jewish people, and turns it into a one-night stand. Oops.

Released in 2006, the movie cost an estimated $20,000,000 to make, and promptly lost money. That's what you get with limited advertising and a tagline like "Feel the touch of destiny". I mean come on.

Distinctive Face of the Week: Drew Barrymore

It's not just me, Lucy Lawless and that girl from Step Up 2 look strikingly similar to a ton of other people in their line of work. It makes having a face that stands out all the more valuable. 

Pictured: Drew Barrymore's famous smirk

Drew Barrymore. She has one of the most distinctive faces in Hollywood. This girl has been queen of the RomCom for the last ten years since Adam Sandler first laughed at the name "Julia Gulia" in The Wedding Singer.  Barrymore's breakout role was as a child star in Steven Spielberg's famous E.T. There's a new generation of kids today who sadly don't get the joke when you hold up a finger and say "E.T. Phohohohone Hoooome" in that funny voice, but you know Drew would get it.

From her pleasantly husky voice, to her famous smirk, to that perfect Cupid's bow, Drew Barrymore's features are as distinctive as that silly smile she's always making, you know the one

Yep, that's the one

Drew proves you don't have to throw up after every meal to be gorgeous. She's no size 2, and we love her all the more for it. Her cherubic cheeks are iconic, and her bubbly personality has helped her make Hollywood her bitch. Whether she's cracking us up in Music and Lyrics, or quoting literature in Ever After, or kicking ass as a Charlie's Angel, or charming us with a sweet smile, we love her. Believe it or not, she's also been nominated for over seventy awards. Yes, that's right, seventy. Last year she made her directorial debut with Whip It starring Ellen Page.