Maybe it's just me, but these days it seems all celebrity debutantes look alike. In the sea of faces it's easy to confuse one celebrity with another. Like Isla Fischer and that other redhead, or say, all of the Jonas Brothers. Sometimes you just stick out because you're kind of funny looking, like Rob Pattinson.
Don't deny it, you know it's kind of true.
But there are a few who are particularly striking. Welcome to the new series, Distinctive Face of the Week. Otherwise known as "Super Pretty People" if we're being honest.
Whatever.
Here's this week's distinctive face:
There's just something about Jennifer Garner's long chin, angular cheekbones, and unbelievable symmetry that sets her apart. Not sets her apart like the Guggenheim looks like a giant toilet bowl, but sets her apart like she's gorgeous.
These are a few films that have been on my radar for some time, and they're the films I'm probably most excited to see. Some of these films have been released, but I haven't seen them yet, so there. Here's the fifth film of this series...
"I have a gun AND a sword. Also I look like
a prostitute wooo!"
Zack Snyder has really proven himself in recent years with a succession of both entertaining and aesthetically pleasing flicks. 300 not only was a great adaptation of Frank Miller's epic graphic novel, it was a fabulous foray into the action genre. Snyder became an instant household name after the film's release, and has used his star power to push other risky, unique projects through. It's not like the guy has some list like Spielberg or Howard a mile long to brag about. He's directed a total of six full-length films, that's it. It's phenomenal that this dude has managed to film success after success after success. It's like he's got some kind of touch of King Midas, only leave out the part about turning his children into gold. I mean, Watchmen was really a masterpiece (although as a fan of what is hailed as the greatest graphic novel ever written I must say I was disappointed with the film adaptation's weak ending). Still, Snyder's work has a certain artistic edge that most films are missing in favor of cheap tricks and flashy effects.
Let's also talk for a moment about the fact that Synder seems to like turning genres around. With Dawn of the Dead he made a remake likeable and even...dare I say it? Good.With Watchmen we got a different look at what "Superheroes" might really be like, and with Guardians of Ga'Hoole the main characters were owls. Now, in Sucker Punch Snyder strikes again with the rebellious twist- an action flick starring only girls? Seriously, it's absurd. Almost every female action hero has shared the screen with a bigger, better male counterpart, including Trinity, Hit Girl, and Sarah Connor. You could count on two hands the number of female heroines who have ever stood on their own (Here, I'll help you: Ripley, Lara Croft, Buffy Summers, Sidney Bristow, Alice, The Bride, and maybe Selene. There. Done.)
This is why she doesn't make the list. She's just not badass enough to
out-badass the Terminator over there.
On the other hand, THIS.
And yet, it just might work. Synder seems to have a penchant for sort-of-not-really-well-known actors to star in his films, and Sucker Punch is no exception. Five girls, who have starred in a few movies, including High School Frickin' Musical are about to become the newest team of action heroines. Hopefully they think for themselves instead of blindly following the orders of some guy on the other end of the phone, like a few Charlie's Angels who will remain unnamed.
Seriously, have you seen the trailer? No? Well lucky for you, I've embedded it here:
They fight a friggin' dragon.
Director: Zack Snyder (300, Watchmen) Release Date: March 25, 2011 Rated: Not Yet Rated IMDb page
Hmm. This is suspicious.Both Twilight and The Vampire Diaries feature a brunette girl in high school being romanced by a vamp. Coincidence?
There is no defense for the blonde, vegetarian vamp hero who is constantly trying to save his brown-haired girlfriend from the dangers of evil vamps and werewolves...or is there? I'll just briefly mention that the author of the books TVD is based on wrote her series years before Stephenie Meyer started writing her poorly constructed novels. One might even argue that she read the TVD series and decided to copy it, and it was unrecognizable because Meyer’s creative writing skills are so unbelievably terrible. (Example: "My mechanic is busy these days, busy running around as a giant wolf,” says Bella of Jacob.)
Current plan for avoiding being compared to Twilight: lots of oil, and
naked legs; also a girl in a corset sitting in a guy's crotch with
These are a few films that have been on my radar for some time, and they're the films I'm probably most excited to see. Some of these films have been released, but I haven't seen them yet, so there. Here's the fourth film of this series...
I could go on for several paragraphs about why this movie is pretty much going to be amazing, but honestly, why would that be necessary? Let's just quickly run through the facts.
It stars Daniel Craig, who has been signed on to the James Bond franchise as the titular character, and doing a fabulous job as the famous agent. While I had a cold attitude toward the new Bond, who is more rough and tumble than suave, I quickly warmed up to Craig. He may have yet to utter the famous "Bond, James Bond" line, but as far as I'm concerned he's already established his Bond badassery. Craig will now be applying this badassery to this movie, which is fine with me.
Co-starring with Craig is Harrison Ford, who's last three movies have been, to put it lightly, bad. Need I remind you of the fourth Indiana Jones, or Extraordinary Measures? Let's just ignore his reprisal as Indy and stick with his other recent films, which have pretty much been him trying to move outside the Action genre. And the other genres pretty much crushed his soul under the cash from his sellout and told him to get back where he belongs. So now, here's Ford in a new action movie getting back in the saddle (ahaha Western, saddle, get it?). Here's to hoping it's awesome. And who are we kidding? It's Harrison Ford getting his hands dirty in a western. I'm up for that. Olivia Wilde also stars. The actress has been in breakout heaven this season with two big-budget films, this and Tron.
Also have I mentioned the star power behind this? Steven Spielberg is executive producer, Ron Howard and Brian Grazer are also producing. As for the writers, Robert Orci, Alex Kurtzman, and Damon Lindelof are the powerhouses behind this baby. You might not recognize those names, so let me just say that they pretty much own the genre of Awesome. No joke. Orci and Kurtzman wrote the new Star Trek, both Transformers, TV shows Hawaii Five-O and Fringe, Mission Impossible III, The Island, and to top it all, several seasons of Alias. Lindelof is pretty famous as well for a little show that was pretty popular called Lost. Director Jon Favreau has been at the helm of both Iron Man movies. Seriously, the crew is almost cooler than the cast.
"How DARE you! I am definitely cooler. Say it. Or I'll blast you
with this alien weapon attached to my arm"
Director: Jon Favreau (Iron Man, Elf) Release Date: 29 July 2011 Rated: Not Yet Rated IMDb page
OMG! The new Pirates of the Caribbean trailer is out! Check it!
Yeah. It kinda sucked, huh? That's what I thought too.
Let's start with the fact that the trailer is over three minutes long, which is absurd. It doesn't come out for months. What they needed was a teaser, because everyone loves teasers. And when I say everyone, I mean I gave myself a survey and answered "yes" to "do you love teaser-trailers?" A long trailer ruins suspense and lowers anticipation for the film because 1) it's difficult to release a "new" trailer now to continue to heighten anticipation. The trailers will mostly now be the same with maybe one scene added in or taken out. And 2) the audience isn't given a small taste of what's to come in order to make them so ravenously hungry they won't care if the movie is bad, they'll just see it because they need resolution from that damn trailer. As evidence, I call your attention to the 300, Dark Knight, and Transformers 2 teaser-trailers. It didn't matter how good the movies were going to be, the scenes were just awesome. That's what the POTC4 teaser needed. A couple of good scenes of Johnny Depp doing his Jack Sparrow thing, because everyone loves it. Instead we got three whole minutes of cobbled together scenes of the good Cap'n saying some sort of funny stuff and glimpses of random characters, and long explanation of the premise, which seemed really unnecessary. It's the Fountain of Youth we get it. STOP SAYING IT OVER AND OVER.
Also, what's with the breaking the fourth wall thing? It was an entirely unnecessary, and overly childish, time-consuming, kind of boring part of the trailer. "Hello boys and girls...my name is Captain Jack Sparrow". Seriously? Super lame.
I want to be super excited for this movie, and I can't lie- I will definitely see it. Because Depp and Sparrow are just great. But the last two I've been disappointed by, so I'm not holding my breath for some mind-blowing show.
"Ah I think I see an enemy over there, let's hide behind these vines and my dreads will blend in!"
My obsession with trailers and expertise regarding them tells me this is a great trailer. What is it? What's going on? Astronauts? Yes. A moon conspiracy even better than faking the moon landing? Yes. A transformer? Yes. The actors that IMDb tells me are starring in the film don't even appear in the trailer, but they include Shia LaBouf, Josh Duhamel, Hugo Weaving, Tyrese Gibson, Allen Tudyk, John Malkovich, Ken Jeong, Patrick Dempsey, and Frances freaking McDormand, to name just a few. John Turturro will also be reprising his role as that funny, but mostly annoying guy- you know the one. As if it weren't enough to have a list of actors a mile long, a new character, Carly Witwicky is introduced in this movie, who will be played by Victoria's Secret model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. Apparently, Megan Fox was both irritating to work with, and not good-looking enough for this movie. So they replaced Megan:
Hey, I'm Megan
With Rosie:
"Hey, I'm a Victoria's Secret model"
Well played, Michael Bay. Well played.
Director: Michael Bay
Release Date: 1 July 2011
Rated: Not Yet Rated IMDb page
These are a few films that have been on my radar for some time, and they're the films I'm probably most excited to see. Some of these films have been released, but I haven't seen them yet, so there. Here's the third film of this series...
"Check it ladies, my wingspan is like huge"
Okay, so considering the last two films I wrote about were A) graphically disgusting enough to make people puke in public, or B) a psychological thriller involving an unbalanced (ironic, I know) ballerina going insane, it might seem strange that I'm so interested inPale Male.But seriously, have you seen the trailer? Because it will totally make you cry.
The Legend of Pale Male is a documentary about an extraordinary bird nicknamed "Pale Male" by New Yorkers. Now although Red-tailed Hawks are common in North America, the bird hasn't been seen in New York for a hundred years. In 1993, this one awesome hawk showed up in New York City and was like, "Hey look, a giant kingdom I should rule over! Now I need a sweet crib, mmmm I guess 5th Avenue will do." Birdwatchers took notice of the hawk when he built a huge nest overlooking the city. Before long fans of the Pale Male, as he was named, were congregating to see what he would do next, and pretty soon after that, Pale Male had an international fandom. The movie follows Pale Male and his story.
"I must fly around and make sure everyone remembers I am their ruler."
Now if you're not quite getting why anyone would care about a boring old bird, let me enlighten you. Red-Tailed Hawks are wicked cool. First of all, they have a wingspan of nearly five feet, which means they're twice the size of your toddler. Second, these hawks particularly choose nesting spots that overlook all of their domain, which is generally a cliff overlooking the whole freaking world. Or in Pale Male's case, he picked a spot where he could hang out with Woody Allen and Mary Tyler Moore. These birds weigh only 3 pounds, yet they routinely hunt game that's twice their size.
This rabbit used to be half his size
Not only that, but they fiercely defend their nests from Eagles, which are twice their size, and Great Horned Owls, which literally eat them for breakfast. Also, watch this video:
Yeah, that bird isn't pissed or anything, Red-tailed Hawks just always sound that cool.
While most reviews label The Legend ofPale Male a sappy film, I don't really care. The point of seeing the movie is not the narrating or the creepers who spend their lives watching this bird and his mate. The point of seeing the movie is to watch a Red-tailed Hawk be awesomely cool. In Hollywood today, everybody has their CG animals, whether they're talking lions in Chronicles of Narnia, or talking bears in Golden Compass, or Hedwig from Harry Potter, or chipmunks, or hamsters, or whatever. The newest twist on the talking animal concept is The Beaver, which is about Mel Gibson communicating through a puppet. Literally the studio describes the film saying, "Walter can't seem to get himself back on track...until a beaver hand puppet enters his life." Anyway, what I'm saying is that Pale Male is the real deal. He isn't CG or made up. As one viewer put it, "The sight of a hawk flipping itself in mid-air and doing a dead drop into a flock of flying pigeons, emerging with lunch clutched in its claws, would be truly breathtaking even if it weren’t taking place against the incongruous backdrop of streetlights and building façades."
