So I saw Abduction today...

And it was pretty entertaining, actually laughable at some parts, but good in others. I was really holding out for Taylor Lautner's dad to be Matt Damon but that didn't happen (frowny face)

So Lautner's character is like on the run, right? And he brings this girl along that he's crushin on because he needs to protect her and he likes her and all that. And all this horrible stuff happens. Like Lautner's parents get murdered in front of him, this girl gets a gun held to her head numerous times, they're being shot at, Taylor Lautner actually kills a man at one point. How old is he supposed to be? 17? 18 max. And he's like killing people. So anyway, at the end these two are being all cute and couple-y at this empty baseball stadium where Lautner's just avoided death by tricking a guy into chasing him so that that guy could get sniped dead. SO many dead people in this movie. And he's like "Hey sorry we missed the game" like "I was running from death girl." And this girl is like "Its okay let's plan a second date, it'll be sweet." And Lautner's all, "Yeah but you have to admit this was like an adventurous first date, it was AWESOME," and then they laugh over that hilarious joke. And that's the end of the movie.

Too soon, Taylor Lautner. Too soon. Your parents just died like 48 hours ago. You killed a dude. Too soon for the "adventure date" chuckle okay. Too soon.

Distinctive Face: Benedict Cumberbatch

I swear I did not even make up that name

Benedict Cumberbatch is fairly unknown in the States. And by that I don't mean he isn't Tom Cruise yet, I mean he's below Sam Worthington and Anton Yelchin and David Tennant as actors no one really knows unless you're from a fandom. But in that fandom, and in the UK he's a big deal.

Look in my twinkling eyes, and you'll know why

American viewers might know him from Atonement or his small role in The Other Boleyn Girl. Fans know him from his fabulous work on the stage, and his new role as Sherlock Holmes on the BBC series featuring a Sherlock Holmes with a cell phone set in present-day London. It's brilliant. And well it should be seeing as it was written by Doctor Who's Steven Moffat. In the UK Steven Moffat = Joss Whedon in case you needed some comparison.

Cumberbatch brings a bite to every line, and intensity of gaze that puts the viewer on edge. He delivers with such British precision; he has a face that, with a twitch of the lip or a furrow of the brow, speaks volumes. He can be cold as ice and then red hot. In addition Cumberbatch has a dash of swashbuckling in him, and a fierceness, not to mention a sense of comedic timing that will leave your shoulders shaking and your belly aching from laughing.

Did you forget how awesome I am? Here's a picture to remind you

Just to cement in your mind how hilarious and awesome the Batch is let me reveal this to you: he does an Alan Rickman impression. And I don't mean he does that Hans Gruber impression I can do, I mean he does Alan Rickman better than Alan Rickman does Alan Rickman. Here's a radio clip of him singing Elton effing John as Alan Rickman


And in case you aren't convinced, here's an adorable Ben Cumberbatch reading a children's fairytale. He's so talented that I can't tell if he's serious or if he's trying very very hard to not laugh as he reads "The Little Red Hen" in his pretentious British accent.


So he's a top-notch actor capable of handling both ends of the Drama-to-Comedy spectrum, but let's not forget that he's adorable to boot. With that mop of curly hair, and those sparkling blue eyes, and those ridiculous cheekbones, he's quite the heartthrob.

Look at that cupid's bow

LOOK AT IT

But don't tell that to the Sherlock/Watson shippers, they're rabid fans of Ben's, and they're sure he's in love with Watson.

Oh come on, two guys living and spending all their time together? It's normal for people to assume

The BBC's Sherlock is utterly and without a doubt brilliant. I liked Guy Ritchie's take on Sherlock, and I liked Robert Downey Jr. as the boxing buff detective, but then I saw Cumberbatch as Sherlock. He's phenomenal. He carries that show. He is walking the tightrope of how complicated a character Sherlock is with absolute and confident grace. Sherlock is at once lonely, and distant, and condescending, while at the same time being isolated, and cavalier, and downright dismissive or mean toward other people. Cumberbatch's Sherlock is so isolated from people, in many ways of his own accord because he thinks they're all idiots, and yet he knows the human insect so well that he can pretend for entire conversations to be as normal and friendly as they. That is the level of depth to which Cumberbatch will go.

Bloody 'ell I'm so brilliant

Cumberbatch is a genius, I tell you. A genius.

But the UK already knows that. His last name is a verb now, something can be "cumberbatched". It means something ordinary has been immediately made more awesome.

IMDb

Sherlock=Cumberbatched

Just a few more...

True Blood and Genius Advertising

First of all, the classic white background True Blood adverts are so punny and great: "vamp stamp", "cup o Joe", there are so many more. But on top of that they actually put out these posters supposedly sponsored by the Fellowship of the Sun (an anti-vampire "church" in the show) and the American Vampire League (who are trying to pass a Vampire Rights Amendment). Then, a few days later, the signs will be defaced, graffiti-ed, vandalized by the advertisers. It's genius I tell you. These guys are amazing.

Thanks

to everyone who encouraged me to keep posting! Thanks for the inspiration! I'll have more for you soon!

Distinctive Face: Angelina Jolie

Okay come on, you knew this was coming. She has one of the most distinctive faces ever. Is it the jawline? The enormous eyes, the lips? Oh it's definitely all of those. Angelina Jolie has been the face Hollywood has love to love for the last twenty years. She's was making three or four films a year even before her breakout role in 1998's Gia, and has continued to work prolifically. Although perhaps being the daughter of Academy Award winning actor Jon Voight didn't hurt her getting started either.

Also being insanely good looking helps

She's done about every genre there is, and excelled in each of them, although she tends toward action and high tension films. Even in movies in which she's not the main character, she's been known to steal the show (See Girl, Interrupted).

NOT A PROBLEM WITH THE PICTURE: JUST HAIR

Angelina really became a household name when Lara Croft: Tomb Raider came out. Yeah, they picked Jolie because of her acting capabilities, you can say that if you like, but Angelina also shared other...famous assets... with the video game character. It was an entertaining action flick, and it really gave her the boost she needed. She's had her pick of awesome films ever since.

Seriously, who wouldn't give this lady anything she wants?

Her next film is Cleopatra, in which we can only hope she does a better version of a "historical" figure than she did in Alexander. It wasn't really her fault in the latter, the script was horrible. Jolie took a slow-down in her career in 2005 and 2006, and it looks like she's taking a two year break now because Cleo won't be out until 2013. But, having like several bazillion adopted children, she's probably pretty busy at home. Okay, that's an exaggeration, she has three adopted children and three kids by partner Brad Pitt. In addition Ms. Jolie-not-Pitt-until-gays-can-marry-freely is also active throughout the world for humanitarian causes, often inspired by her adopted children and their birthplaces, and disasters the rest of the world neglects. The actress refuses to shy away from danger, often visiting nations at war to bring aid and a message of hope.

YUP, I'M TOTES AWESOME but this position is uncomfortable and weird kind of

We So Excited: Drive

This looks amazing. It's part Transporter, part Human Target, part RyanGoslingIsAwesome.



In the film, Gosling plays a stunt driver who moonlights as a getaway driver. Gosling, who came out in Remember the Titans, got our attention with Murder by Numbers, and exploded into teen fandom with The Notebook, has been doing his greatest work in the last five years. He's explored dramas, comedies, devastating tragedies, and indie films. This is his first role as an action hero since Young Hercules 1999.

And yes, I've been waiting for this. Every actor of Gosling's caliber dabbles in all the genres. Well it looks like he's picked a winner, that's for sure. The cast is subtle, but solid. These aren't huge blockbuster names that everyone knows, but they're very very good. And Gosling is surely right for this part. His quiet demeanor, and soulful eyes, will bring a lot of humanity and character to a piece that may have otherwise come across as merely violent and adrenaline-hungry.

"Oh hey you're all greasy and cute, and I'm adorable too, let's hang out"

The movie also stars Carey Mulligan, one of Hollywood's hottest up and comings. She's like Saoirse Ronan, she can do no wrong. She's brilliant.

Also did I mention this film already won Best Director at the Cannes Film Festival?  Yeah. This is going to be really good.