Film Fancy

So I saw Abduction today...

2011-10-20T03:59:00.001-07:00

And it was pretty entertaining, actually laughable at some parts, but good in others. I was really holding out for Taylor Lautner's dad to be Matt Damon but that didn't happen (frowny face)

So Lautner's character is like on the run, right? And he brings this girl along that he's crushin on because he needs to protect her and he likes her and all that. And all this horrible stuff happens. Like Lautner's parents get murdered in front of him, this girl gets a gun held to her head numerous times, they're being shot at, Taylor Lautner actually kills a man at one point. How old is he supposed to be? 17? 18 max. And he's like killing people. So anyway, at the end these two are being all cute and couple-y at this empty baseball stadium where Lautner's just avoided death by tricking a guy into chasing him so that that guy could get sniped dead. SO many dead people in this movie. And he's like "Hey sorry we missed the game" like "I was running from death girl." And this girl is like "Its okay let's plan a second date, it'll be sweet." And Lautner's all, "Yeah but you have to admit this was like an adventurous first date, it was AWESOME," and then they laugh over that hilarious joke. And that's the end of the movie.

Too soon, Taylor Lautner. Too soon. Your parents just died like 48 hours ago. You killed a dude. Too soon for the "adventure date" chuckle okay. Too soon.

Distinctive Face: Benedict Cumberbatch

2011-09-06T16:45:00.000-07:00

I swear I did not even make up that name

Benedict Cumberbatch is fairly unknown in the States. And by that I don't mean he isn't Tom Cruise yet, I mean he's below Sam Worthington and Anton Yelchin and David Tennant as actors no one really knows unless you're from a fandom. But in that fandom, and in the UK he's a big deal.

Look in my twinkling eyes, and you'll know why

American viewers might know him from Atonement or his small role in The Other Boleyn Girl. Fans know him from his fabulous work on the stage, and his new role as Sherlock Holmes on the BBC series featuring a Sherlock Holmes with a cell phone set in present-day London. It's brilliant. And well it should be seeing as it was written by Doctor Who's Steven Moffat. In the UK Steven Moffat = Joss Whedon in case you needed some comparison.

Cumberbatch brings a bite to every line, and intensity of gaze that puts the viewer on edge. He delivers with such British precision; he has a face that, with a twitch of the lip or a furrow of the brow, speaks volumes. He can be cold as ice and then red hot. In addition Cumberbatch has a dash of swashbuckling in him, and a fierceness, not to mention a sense of comedic timing that will leave your shoulders shaking and your belly aching from laughing.

Did you forget how awesome I am? Here's a picture to remind you

Just to cement in your mind how hilarious and awesome the Batch is let me reveal this to you: he does an Alan Rickman impression. And I don't mean he does that Hans Gruber impression I can do, I mean he does Alan Rickman better than Alan Rickman does Alan Rickman. Here's a radio clip of him singing Elton effing John as Alan Rickman

And in case you aren't convinced, here's an adorable Ben Cumberbatch reading a children's fairytale. He's so talented that I can't tell if he's serious or if he's trying very very hard to not laugh as he reads "The Little Red Hen" in his pretentious British accent.

So he's a top-notch actor capable of handling both ends of the Drama-to-Comedy spectrum, but let's not forget that he's adorable to boot. With that mop of curly hair, and those sparkling blue eyes, and those ridiculous cheekbones, he's quite the heartthrob.

Look at that cupid's bow

LOOK AT IT

But don't tell that to the Sherlock/Watson shippers, they're rabid fans of Ben's, and they're sure he's in love with Watson.

Oh come on, two guys living and spending all their time together? It's normal for people to assume

The BBC's Sherlock is utterly and without a doubt brilliant. I liked Guy Ritchie's take on Sherlock, and I liked Robert Downey Jr. as the boxing buff detective, but then I saw Cumberbatch as Sherlock. He's phenomenal. He carries that show. He is walking the tightrope of how complicated a character Sherlock is with absolute and confident grace. Sherlock is at once lonely, and distant, and condescending, while at the same time being isolated, and cavalier, and downright dismissive or mean toward other people. Cumberbatch's Sherlock is so isolated from people, in many ways of his own accord because he thinks they're all idiots, and yet he knows the human insect so well that he can pretend for entire conversations to be as normal and friendly as they. That is the level of depth to which Cumberbatch will go.

Bloody 'ell I'm so brilliant

Cumberbatch is a genius, I tell you. A genius.

But the UK already knows that. His last name is a verb now, something can be "cumberbatched". It means something ordinary has been immediately made more awesome.

IMDb

Sherlock=Cumberbatched

Just a few more...

2011-08-19T04:21:00.000-07:00

True Blood and Genius Advertising

2011-08-19T04:16:00.000-07:00

First of all, the classic white background True Blood adverts are so punny and great: "vamp stamp", "cup o Joe", there are so many more. But on top of that they actually put out these posters supposedly sponsored by the Fellowship of the Sun (an anti-vampire "church" in the show) and the American Vampire League (who are trying to pass a Vampire Rights Amendment). Then, a few days later, the signs will be defaced, graffiti-ed, vandalized by the advertisers. It's genius I tell you. These guys are amazing.

Thanks

2011-08-19T03:55:00.000-07:00

to everyone who encouraged me to keep posting! Thanks for the inspiration! I'll have more for you soon!

Distinctive Face: Angelina Jolie

2011-08-19T03:49:00.000-07:00

Okay come on, you knew this was coming. She has one of the most distinctive faces ever. Is it the jawline? The enormous eyes, the lips? Oh it's definitely all of those. Angelina Jolie has been the face Hollywood has love to love for the last twenty years. She's was making three or four films a year even before her breakout role in 1998's Gia, and has continued to work prolifically. Although perhaps being the daughter of Academy Award winning actor Jon Voight didn't hurt her getting started either.

Also being insanely good looking helps

She's done about every genre there is, and excelled in each of them, although she tends toward action and high tension films. Even in movies in which she's not the main character, she's been known to steal the show (See Girl, Interrupted).

NOT A PROBLEM WITH THE PICTURE: JUST HAIR

Angelina really became a household name when Lara Croft: Tomb Raider came out. Yeah, they picked Jolie because of her acting capabilities, you can say that if you like, but Angelina also shared other...famous assets... with the video game character. It was an entertaining action flick, and it really gave her the boost she needed. She's had her pick of awesome films ever since.

Seriously, who wouldn't give this lady anything she wants?

Her next film is Cleopatra, in which we can only hope she does a better version of a "historical" figure than she did in Alexander. It wasn't really her fault in the latter, the script was horrible. Jolie took a slow-down in her career in 2005 and 2006, and it looks like she's taking a two year break now because Cleo won't be out until 2013. But, having like several bazillion adopted children, she's probably pretty busy at home. Okay, that's an exaggeration, she has three adopted children and three kids by partner Brad Pitt. In addition Ms. Jolie-not-Pitt-until-gays-can-marry-freely is also active throughout the world for humanitarian causes, often inspired by her adopted children and their birthplaces, and disasters the rest of the world neglects. The actress refuses to shy away from danger, often visiting nations at war to bring aid and a message of hope.

YUP, I'M TOTES AWESOME but this position is uncomfortable and weird kind of

We So Excited: Drive

2011-08-19T03:17:00.000-07:00

This looks amazing. It's part Transporter, part Human Target, part RyanGoslingIsAwesome.

In the film, Gosling plays a stunt driver who moonlights as a getaway driver. Gosling, who came out in Remember the Titans, got our attention with Murder by Numbers, and exploded into teen fandom with The Notebook, has been doing his greatest work in the last five years. He's explored dramas, comedies, devastating tragedies, and indie films. This is his first role as an action hero since Young Hercules 1999.

And yes, I've been waiting for this. Every actor of Gosling's caliber dabbles in all the genres. Well it looks like he's picked a winner, that's for sure. The cast is subtle, but solid. These aren't huge blockbuster names that everyone knows, but they're very very good. And Gosling is surely right for this part. His quiet demeanor, and soulful eyes, will bring a lot of humanity and character to a piece that may have otherwise come across as merely violent and adrenaline-hungry.

"Oh hey you're all greasy and cute, and I'm adorable too, let's hang out"

The movie also stars Carey Mulligan, one of Hollywood's hottest up and comings. She's like Saoirse Ronan, she can do no wrong. She's brilliant.

Also did I mention this film already won Best Director at the Cannes Film Festival? Yeah. This is going to be really good.

Footloose?

2011-07-11T23:30:00.000-07:00

I give you the new Footloose trailer from Paramount Pictures starring unknown Kenny Wormald, Julianne Hough, and Golden Globe Nominee Dennis Quaid. Wormald is the new Ren MacCormack, once played by Kevin Bacon in the original Footloose film. Julianne Hough is the preacher (Quaid)'s daughter, who likes dancing and bad boys. Just to put things in perspective Wormald has been a backup dancer in films for the last ten years, Hough is a country singer, and according to her IMDb profile, a "professional dancer". Right.

c

It's like Step Up 4: Country Style.

IMDb

Review: Green Lantern

2011-07-01T01:58:00.000-07:00

Look everyone's been ripping into Green Lantern because either they're fanboys and it doesn't live up to their expectations, or because it wasn't as good as Dark Knight, or because it has "clunky writing" as Rolling Stones' Peter Travers puts it. Eh, I guess all those things are true. It isn't a fanboy's film, and Dark Knight created a new standard for superhero films, and it does have some dialogue that doesn't work too well, but I found it really entertaining.

He has super powers. It's hard to not be entertaining. Unless you
turn into like a green troll as your super power. Man that would suck.

Green Lantern is the story of the irresponsible, but born-to-do-this fighter pilot, Hal Jordan. Then he is selected to be part of an elite fighting force, the Green Lanterns, who protect the universe from evil with a no-fear attitude and a magical green ring that can conjure anything the wearer’s imagination can conceive. Will Hal become a hero or walk away? Hm. I wonder.

From this poster I deduce he chooses hero.

I've been very apprehensive from the start about Green Lantern. I saw the trailer and noticed a few things: first, Blake Lively. Anybody seen her acting? Yeah, not great. I don't care how much you like Gossip Girl or The Town she isn't what makes either of em any good. Second, the suit looked a little fake. Third, Ryan Reynolds.

Yeah. You know why. You know.

So as it turned out I ended up being right. The suit was really tight and a little unbelievable even if it is created by Hal's magical green lantern powers. And Lively seemed to ruin all of her lines, clunky writing or no. In addition it was predictable. Like I called the villains and their backstories, and I'm not even a fankid. Plus I called the ending and the sequel story. And I’m not even a fankid.

Hal: So you've never been able to act? Wow
Whatshername: Nope, never. But they keep hiring me. I'm pretty I guess.

ALSO RYAN REYNOLDS

"Hey there. It's me, Ryan Reynolds, just doin' some of my best
work ever in Blade Trinity. I stole Wesley Snipes' own movie from
him. I know. I should be dead. But I'm too awesome."

Did you know he has some magical ability to make any movie better? Yeah that’s right. I hate predictability and I loathe bad acting, especially by “strong female characters” and Reynolds pretty much makes up for all of it. He’s funny, he’s entertaining, he’s good lookin’. Done.

Wow, look at that. No, not at his abs. Look at the fact that he’s making this review like ten thousand times better. I know. Amazing.

Other reviewers have been complaining that the effects are boring or not very good. My dad complained that Hal Jordan didn’t do a lot of hand to hand combat. But every action movie has some rolling on the floor fight with the good guy getting the crap beat out of him before making a comeback and defeating the villain. Personally I thought it was interesting to see how Hal Jordan used his superpower, instead of a cliché fight with the bad guy.

ALSO RYAN REYNOLDS

Blake Lively's best acting: pretending to be unconscious

Oh did I mention that already? Sorry.

Look, nothing’s going to measure up to Dark Knight. Maaaaybe the next Batman might have a shot, might, and it’s directed by Chris Nolan himself. But the Iron Mans? Eh. The Spiderman sequels? Disasters. Honestly, I’m hoping Captain America will be awesome, but the trailer makes the dialogue sound a little hokey, and the relationship between Captain America and Whatsherface seems a little cheesy. The new trailer looks aight, and the villain is played by the incredible, the talented, the wonderful Hugo Weaving (Lord of the Rings, V for Vendetta), but I’m not gonna lie it does kind of look like some kind of weird government propaganda, and Weaving looks a little plastic as the villain.

"Americaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

Green Lantern was fun. I laughed, I liked Ryan Reynolds as Hal Jordan, it was short and sweet and didn’t drag. And it wasn’t some movie about saving the rainforest. I’m all for political messages in movies, but sometimes when the superhero turns out fighting global warming itself it’s kind of weird. This had a regular villain, who’s super evil and wants to destroy everything, and a great hero who wants to save everyone. Bing bang boom, done.

"I'm a hero. Look how serious my serious face is. Also I have great hair."

If you have low expectations, then see it. If you don’t then don’t, okay? Not that hard.

Rating: PG-13

Trivia: A Central City sign can be seen in the film. Central City is the home of Green Lantern's superhuman ally and close friend, the Flash.

IMDb

Whoops, how did this get in here?

Yep, that's a rescue pup.

Distinctive Face: Jude Law

2011-05-04T10:46:00.000-07:00

Incredibly unoriginal people.

Lately I've been bored with my amazement (that definitely conflicts but I just don't care) that celebrities can manage to look exactly alike. Jessie J is cute I guess, and her song that calls us to "forget about the pricetag", which I don't think for a second she actually means, is okay, but why did she pick a look that makes her look like everyone else? I mean, Ke$ha's gross but at least she doesn't sound like everyone else.

I just barfed glitter onto my face. Cute, right?

I mean, even J Biebs has that hair...wait. No. HAD that hair. But he's got his own color, and guys obsessively copy his hoodie and skinnies style while totally denying they are wearing purple because the Biebs does it.

I am adowable

His looks are the only thing he's got goin' for him. Well, except for those killer vocals, and playing four instruments, and that charm, oh, and a legion of crazed fangirls. Other than that. It's just his looks. Moving on.

Jude Law.

Definitely a distinctive face. On top of that he has a distinctive voice, also acting ability.

Law began acting in 1989 in TV movies, and it wasn't until 1997, nearly ten years later, when he finally landed an actually-worth-mentioning role in the biopic Wilde. The role gave him a fantastic number of opportunities, nearly all of which he took, completing seven films in the next two years when he would have his true "big break" in Anthony Minghella's twisted thriller The Talented Mr. Ripley. In addition to giving us this

Matt Damon in a neon green speedo

it also gave us Jude Law. He was nominated for Best Supporting Actor by the Academy, the Golden Globes, and a bunch of other people, walking away with the BAFTA that year as well. MTV, in appropriately ridiculous fashion, even nominated him for Best Musical Performance for his saxophoning in the film (and that's not even a sexual metaphor. He seriously learned to play sax).

After that Law had his pick of great projects. He did a war film, Enemy at the Gates, worked with Tom Hanks in Road to Perdition, Steven Spielberg wanted him for A.I. Artificial Intelligence, and Anthony Minghella got him back for the Civil War drama Cold Mountain.

Most don't know but A.I, in which Law plays a prostitute robot, was the baby project of legendary director Stanley Kubrick for over a decade, and was continued by Steven Spielberg after his death. It had to be epic. Kubrick was waiting to make the film until the main character, an almost-human robotic boy, could be played by an actual robot. Spielberg did one better and got acting prodigy Haley Joel Osment for the part, as well as recruiting John Williams for the score. (Why is he a child prodigy? Osment suggested that because he was a robot his character shouldn't blink. The director agreed, and Osment gave one of the best performances of his career. All while not blinking.) The end result was a heartwrenching futuristic Pinocchio tale about love and humanity, and Law as the plastic sexbot Gigolo Joe was perfect.

DO. NOT. BLINK.

Cold Mountain garnered him rave reviews, and more nominations - this time for Best Actor - from every major guild, including the Academy, the BAFTAs, and the Golden Globes. Law hasn't been nominated since then for a major award, but he sure has been enjoying himself with comedies, period pieces, biopics, dramas, and romantic comedies. Lately he's been hugely successful acting opposite Robert Downey Jr. in Sherlock Holmes. The guy is on top of the world. His IMDb page shows not one, not two, not- skip to the end- but six projects in the works (including a Sherlock sequel).

In addition to acting on the big screen, Law is also a stage veteran. In 2009 he portrayed Shakespeare's Hamlet to sold out crowds in London. His performance earned him a Tony nom for Best Actor.

Pretty much, he's great.*

Let's do a photo and wrap this up, shall we?

It's the chin. Also his receding hairline.

*Also he's kind of a man whore. He has four children by three different women, none of whom he is currently seeing.

His IMDb page is here

Music Artists: I call you Copycats.

2011-05-01T06:27:00.000-07:00

I love Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream", I like "California Girls", and I love "Firework". And Lady Gaga is one of the greatest pop artists of all time, no question. Is it too much to call her the Shakespeare of her time- inventing new words and catering to the mob rather than snooty royalty? But honestly, these two spend so much time trying to be unique that I'm constantly sighing over how boring they are. All the overdone make up, the glitter and paint, untoppable unstoppable "creativity" seems mostly to just make them look more like...everyone and anyone else. I liked early Gaga better than the Monster, and I liked Katy Perry better, well never; it was her voice, not her image that made her great- she should quit with the Gaga ogling and let her voice speak for itself.

Review: 127 Hours

2011-05-01T05:06:00.000-07:00

127 Hours was the film that started the series, "I'm Most Excited About". It's actually part of what got me back to writing on this blog at all, and I finally saw it.

Despite the common misconception, the film is
not actually 127 hours long.

127 Hours, directed by Danny Boyle, stars James Franco as the mountaineer/climber Aron Ralston. Ralston drove into Utah's canyons one weekend to hike a trail he knew well. It just wasn't his weekend. He slipped and fell into a canyon; a boulder came tumbling down with him and pinned his hand to a rock wall. Ralston was trapped. He had limited water, virtually no food, and only rope, carabiners, and a pocket knife as tools. He knew he was going to die. After five days he was waterless, severely dehydrated, and his hand was decomposing still attached to him. His only choice is to slice through skin, snip nerves, sever arteries, and saw through his muscle to amputate his own arm.

This movie was amazing. Remember when I Am Legend came out, and everyone was like, "Who wants to watch a movie of just Will Smith wandering around?" This concept is kind of like that. 70 of the film's 90 minutes are of one guy trapped in the bottom of a canyon. He literally cannot move from that spot. So what's so interesting about it?

This guy.

James Franco owned this movie. First off, can we talk about how awesome James Franco is for like two seconds? This guy in running at a breakneck pace through life. He's an extremely successful actor who has worked on comedies, as well as several Oscar award-winning films, not to mention - oddly- General Hospital. He has a Bachelor's Degree, a Master's Degree, and has been accepted toYale University to earn his PhD in literature and creative writing. He's attended schools for a degree or just for the hell of it, including UCLA, Columbia University, NYU, and now Yale. He acts, directs, produces, and writes. He's had a book published, hosted the Oscars, been named Sexiest Man Alive, hosted Saturday Night Live twice, had his art displayed in LA art galleries, produces funny home videos for the comedy website Funny or Die, and frequently paints. He's obviously brilliant.

Also he looks like this

Franco took this role, and became putty. He molded himself to not fit Ralston, but to become him. When the dust settles after his fall and he realizes he is trapped, that moment of realization? The horror in his face is unbelievably awful. You feel his desperation, and his pain, and when he films his last goodbyes to his family you aren't seeing a close-up on James Franco; you're looking into the eyes of a dying man.

So. James Franco. Also 127 Hours is brought to you courtesy of director Danny Boyle, who also directed the 2008 international megahit Slumdog Millionaire. These guys slaved away for hours on a set the size of Harry Potter's closet-room at the Dursley's. The set was so claustrophobic that Franco resorted to the not-weird-at-all behavior of hiding his textbooks near him so he could remind himself during breaks that he wasn't actually going to die on the set. As I've explained to you before, Aron Ralston did actually film himself hallucinating, recalling memories, and saying his last goodbyes. The footage is so disturbing and so personal that it has never been released to the public. Only Franco and the director were allowed to review the footage to accurately portray Ralston and his state of mind.

Which was pretty much "[every cuss word evar] + I AM GOING TO DIE"

Boyle does a fantastic job of breaking from Franco to show us his hallucinations, to relive his memories, to truly let the audience have this experience with him. As he is an audience to his own recollections, so are the viewers. I noticed a deliberate use of sensual elements to convey a sense of time and place to the audience. The use of color, the super-saturation or the absence of sunny color is a superb storyteller, as are the sound effects- slurping water, echoes, and the like.

The idea is to trap you in that canyon with Ralston. You are supposed to feel this experience with him. Because the story isn't about him being trapped, it's about his escaping. The guy epic-ly cuts off his own damn arm with a dull pocket knife, after breaking the both bones of his trapped arm because he knew he couldn't chip through them with his blade. He is still stuck in the bottom of a canyon with a bleeding stump of an arm, but manages to get out of the canyon, rappels down a cliff, and starts hiking out of the desert. Dehydrated, hemorrhaging, and starving.

The tourniquet and knife Ralston used to amputate his arm

In the video below the real Ralston describes his experience of being trapped....

This film is something you should see if you can stomach a little gore. Honestly, I was expecting a nasty, splurting (I just made up that word) gorefest of an amputation, and that's not at all what it is. This is a film about hope, about humanity, about adversity, about triumph. You shouldn't miss it.

Director: Danny Boyle
Length: 94 min
Rated: Rated R for language and some disturbing violent content/bloody images.
See the IMDb page here
Trailer:
.

New Transformers 3 Trailer

2011-04-29T03:44:00.001-07:00

THIS is what a trailer should be like. Editing, sound, epic. It's all there.

Music Video Meanings: 21st Century Girl

2011-04-04T19:02:00.000-07:00

Here's the video in case you haven't seen it. Watch it first and then read on.

So I really liked the beginning of the video. I'm definitely feelin' the mysterious vibe okay, and she's like in a desert and picks ups some dust and a butterfly appears out of it and flies away. Then she's running across the desert with her friends, and also a pack of wolves, but she's all dressed to the nines and you're going "Oo pretty!" and then things start to get weird.

Well first Willow Smith starts to sing-talk in a Ke$ha voice, which is weird enough, but then her friends start pulling stuff out of the desert earth. And the video starts out with Willow appearing out of the dust, and then the butterfly, and heck, she pulls a guitar out too. But her friends are pulling out weird things. The whole video starts to take on this anti-nature theme that's not even cool. Like the guitar is cool, but her friends pull out parking meters. Parking meters. Seriously, I don't get how that's awesome. You start pulling stuff out of the ground, and you pull up the parking meters?

Then they pull out a sweet car, and you're like "Now that's more like it!" Nope. The next scene is her friends as child slaves pulling these heavy metal chains over their shoulders that are connected to...a...house. Okay, so the kids are now slaves pulling giant-ass skyscrapers out of the ground, probably blistering up their hands on those chains. Meanwhile, all of nature is being destroyed as they slave to pull up the chains of these buildings.

And then Willow Smith turns into some kind of nine-year-old dictator singing that she's going to take over the world and her friends/slaves are like pulling up more buildings behind her. Then they roll back the desert floor, and there's streets, and then they have a dance party in the streets of what's now a city 'cause the desert is gone, and Willow's like the cool friend obviously, and the music is kinda fading out and you think that's the end, but then Willow starts whispering to a toddler, who makes a butterfly out of dust and starts chasing it.

WHY IS THE BABY ALONE? And for that matter, why is Willow wandering around in the metropolis she's created? Either she's going to get mugged, or they're living in a deserted city, which is just super creepy. And wait, where is that toddler's mom? Why is the baby running around by itself? That child is totally unsupervised, which is just horrible parenting practices.

I wish this video made more sense, you guys, but I see no other option but to interpret this video as Willow Smith declaring herself a tyrannical empress and making her friends do backbreaking slave labor.

"Uh, excuse me, where are you going?
You are my slave and you haven't
finished mining rhinestones for
my fingernails yet."

Review: Sucker Punch

2011-04-04T14:38:00.000-07:00

Directed by Zach Snyder, the director-demigod of slow-mo action, and tons of CGI, Sucker Punch is an action movie with no heart. Remember 300? Yeah, that movie had heart. Like here's this army of scantily-clad men standing up for freedom and stuff by running around with swords cutting off extremities and watching the blood spurt. Ah, that's heart. This movie was supposed to be something similar. Scantily-clad barely-legal girls fight for their freedom by standing up to the Man. Literally, though, they're standing up to the men subjugating them. That's heart, right? Well it could be, but somehow it gets ruined.

Look, Zach Snyder's movies are all about the awesome special effects and the action and what's happening on the screen. I mean did you see 300? It's all blood and guts and abs and swords okay, the plot kind of gets lost in the mix and you don't really care about it by the end, you care about a single theme: freedom. But Sucker Punch kept trying to push its plot back into the picture and make it about this twisty Inception-dream story, and we all just wanted to see Emily Browning fight some dragons, okay.

And you know what? The plot looks awesome from the outside! This girl

gets committed to an insane asylum against her will, and is treated like crap by the people inside

like this creeper, and so escapes into the fantasy of her mind to escape

Wow, sounds pretty amazing right? Yeah, well it would be except Emily Browning just really doesn't sell her role as Babydoll. At least a third of the movie is close-ups on her face, no joke, and she seems incapable of making any other face besides this

Seriously. That photo of her crying up there? It's the only time she ever has a different look on her face.

"Being in an insane asylum makes me dress like a sailor and have perfect skin
I guess? I'm not sure though because I'm just so sad"

It's so annoying it was hard to identify with her, or look at her, or focus on anything except her sad face all the time. She's supposed to be a tragic character, but seriously. So like, if this were a drama that would make sense. But um, it's not. It's an action movie. Speaking of that...

I'm confused by Snyder making Sucker Punch a PG-13 film. It's an action movie in which scantily clad insane asylum inmates are forced to be hookers, and are beaten for insubordination, so they escape into their minds to fight...well, anyone who happens to be there. They slit throats, hack off limbs, shoot people in the face, and by the end of the film these hooker/inmates must have a kill count of like several hundred guys. If you want to kill that many people, and make a movie about hooker/inmate/killers, you're going to have to have an R. Otherwise you water everything down and it's booooring. How could I have been bored during a Zach Snyder movie?! I was just a teensy bit disappointed.

"AAAAAAGH CANCEL CHRISTMAS!"

I recall naming this as one of the movies I anticipated most this year, and the movie is just like the trailer, so I was right about that, but the badass factor went way down with Emily Browning.

"OMG I'm half naked, I have a sword and pistols, and I'm
STILL BORING. How is this possible, Zach Snyder?"

Actually, the other girls were great, even Vanessa Hudgens, but particularly Sweet Pea. In truth I wish they'd cast Abby Cornish as Babydoll.

This is why.

In that same post I recall writing something like, "Five girls, who have starred in a few movies, including High School Frickin' Musical are about to become the newest team of action heroines. Hopefully they think for themselves instead of blindly following the orders of some guy on the other end of the phone, like a few Charlie's Angels who will remain unnamed. " My "hopefully they don't do THIS 'cause that'd be lame" turned out to be EXACTLY WHAT THEY DID.

"Hey, I'm a totally unnecessary character, what's up?"

This guy shows up in like every other scene to tell the team of action heroines their mission. Honestly, I could not believe the amount of time they spent standing around listening to exposition by this guy. I thought Babydoll was going to be the leader, and have some great lines. Like remember Leonidas yelling "THIS IS SPARTA!" It was like the catchphrase of the year. But no, instead this guy shows up and after telling the girls their mission in the most horrible monotone like it's the intro to a video game quest, he spouts off one or two one-liners. I think the writers thought it was like, gonna be cool to have this old ninja guy saying stuff to these girls, but mostly it was just... boring. There'd be this dramatic pause as the five girls are about to rush an entire army of Nazi demons (yeah, they make it into the movie) and the old guy's like "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything."

Wow.

Profound.

Thank you for that lil' tidbit as we head out to battle to DIE. Couldn't you say something like "Give them nothing! But take from them everything!"

Look, I didn't want to have to say this, I really didn't. But I'm sensing a certain decline that starts with M. and ends with Night Shyamalan. And I really hope that's not what's happening, because I like Zach Snyder, I really do! I love his effects and his vision, and the themes, and the action, but something just isn't translating to the screen.

In conclusion. It's entertaining if you know what you're getting into and don't expect much but what looks like a Zach Snyder video game adaptation.

Most Distinctive...Rutina Wesley

2011-03-10T23:02:00.000-08:00

PEOPLE IN HOLLYWOOD LOOK ALIKE. Moving on.
This week's Distinctive Face is Rutina Wesley.

Wesley has bounced into a tiny spotlight from out of nowhere. She was in one pretty crappy movie in 2007, and a couple of TV shows, before landing the role of Tara Thorton in HBO's True Blood in 2008. Her no-nonsense, also-alcoholic character is tormented by the writers. Everything that could go wrong with her goes wrong. Her mother's an alcoholic, her brother's a drug dealer, she gets kidnapped, beaten, possessed, used, misused, and abused. And Wesley is beautiful throughout. She does an incredible job of portraying Tara as both strong and vulnerable. She's a survivor.

Possibly because she's freakin' buff.

The entire cast of True Blood was nominated in 2009 and then 2010 for outstanding ensemble performances, awards which Wesley was included in. Overall the show has garnered eight Emmy noms, four Golden Globe noms, three Grammy nominations, and a total of 35 nominations counting every other guild and awards ceremony for TV ever. Check out any top ten list of Best Shows on Television, and this one is one it, guaranteed. The show is written by Academy Award winner Alan Ball (American Beauty) and has emerged as one of HBO's strongest shows since Sex and the City and The Sopranos. It runs in the summers and takes 9-month-long breaks between seasons, but that hasn't stopped viewership from rising from 2 million in its first season to 3 and then more than 5 million viewers last summer. The show's fourth season is set to premiere this June.

"Watch my shoooow!"

The show's ad campaign is so incredible that it will soon get its own article by yours truly on this blog, but let me just say that the marketing team behind this show is incredible. I mean look at this tagline:

Ah chuckle chuckle, that's a good one. This is a teaser, I'll write you a whole thing about it soon. Well back to Tara- er, Rutina.

"Hey just chillin', lookin' gorgeous in this weird
dress thing"

She's amazing. I don't get how Anna Paquin wins an Emmy for her performance and this girl here gets no major award nominations, because Wesley here is wonderful.

OH.Right.

Well if you can stomach a lot of violence, gore, sex, language...pretty much anything and everything considered offensive, and you want to see a good show, check out True Blood. The entire cast works together so well, and a show set in the redneck South rather than the Upper East Side or LA is wonderfully refreshing.

IMDb

Most Distinctive...Colin Firth

2011-03-02T16:45:00.000-08:00

Some celebrities look freakily alike. Case in point: the two brunnettes on the above left may look like the exact same person, but the far left is actress Jennifer Morrison, and next to her is actress Ginnifer Goodwin. They even creepily have the same name. On the right there are Kirsten Dunst and Emilie de Ravin, who also look strikingly similar. I'm just saying. The appreciation of a truly distinctive face is legitimate. And without further ado, I present Colin Firth...

"Hallo, I'm aDOrahbly British"

A little over 15 years ago, Colin here starred in a TV mini series called "Pride and Prejudice" based on the Jane Austen novels. He played Mr. Darcy, and ever since then he's been the adorably painfully British guy in pretty much everything. From Bridget Jones' Diary to What a Girl Wants to Mamma Mia! Colin has been British, British, British. There's this scene in the aforementioned miniseries in which dearest Colin jumps fully clothed into a pond and takes a swim on account of the hot weather. The comments on the YouTube video make it seem like he stripped down naked and danced on a pole for the viewers. The ladies just love it.

Look how cute he is when he's making his "Mr. Darcy
disapproves" face!

See, the thing about Colin is that he's not Brad Pitt. He's not the suntanned California boy, or the hot werewolf, or the cute Irish guy, or whatever. In fact, it's hard to find a picture of Colin looking anything but intellectual. Trust me, I tried.

But isn't this piano playing in B&W sexy?

No, Colin is the serious man, so him jumping into a pond is hot. One reporter described his fans as an "alarming following among the good women of middle England, many of who seemed about to rip this mild-mannered fellow's flowing white costume-drama blouse from his back and do unspeakable things to him." Poor Colin, all he ever did was be a stiff-upper-lip-Brit with a heart. And now his fanbase consists of lonely women who like to read. But that's probably better than illiterate screaming tweens, like the teen idol fans, right? Don't answer that. Let's just move on.

"I'm very serious and well-dressed"

I have to search for pictures of the week's Most Distinctive, and believe me, I had trouble finding normal pictures of Colin. Not because he makes faces or something- he actually mostly just looks terribly serious all the time. No, it's because Colin can't sit like a normal person.

"Wot? This is a completely normal way to sit on a pahk bench"

I thought this was a fluke. But no, if Colin Firth is sitting down in a photo, he inevitably looks awkward: Look, it's funny

"I'm in a bawth tub!"

"Wot do you mean 'relax'? This is how I olways sit in my bed whilst on a bus"

Seriously, go back up and look at that picture of him playing piano. Doesn't it look like a weird way to play piano? It is. But he's just so British that it doesn't matter. Let's have another picture of him looking serious

You know you're a serious, lonely woman
who likes to read a good book if this photo
made you sigh and mutter "Oh Colin, you're
so dreamy".

Colin Firth has been giving us his best performances ever with the smaller independent films he's been doing lately, and his recent collaboration with director Tom Ford for Single Man. His latest film The King's Speech scored Firth twenty-one best actor nominations from every major and minor film festival and guild and whatnot. He didn't just score the Academy Award on Sunday night for his performance, but he's also nabbed the BAFTA, the Golden Globe, and the SAG award. While he was once discounted as "just" a romcom actor, Firth has been bashing critics over the head with great performance after great performance in the last couple of years. No wait, that's not very British. Ummmm, he's been politely and humbly accepting dozens of awards for his performances in the last few years and graciously giving the credit for them to everyone but himself. Aw, how adorable. Here, watch his acceptance speeches this year at the Oscars and the BAFTAs just so you can get understand what I mean when I talk about how British he is...

Oh Colin, let's read books together

Why Aaron Sorkin Won an Oscar

2011-02-27T22:51:00.000-08:00

I've mentioned previously the genius that is Aaron Sorkin, and he just took home an Oscar tonight at the 83rd Academy Awards for Best Adapted Screenplay. Here's why...

Oh Aaron, I love you.

Review: Requiem for a Dream

2011-02-27T03:08:00.000-08:00

This film is devastating. It's exhausting. It's beautiful in the most terrifying way possible.

Requiem for a Dream is directed by Darren Aronofsky, who has been fairly unrecognized until this year's Black Swan. Even now, people are more fired up about the girl-on-girl action than they are whether or not the film deserves awards, or who it was directed by. Well the directing job here in Requiem is fabulous. The film follows a mother, her son, and his girlfriend and best friend, as they lose themselves, sell themselves, give themselves, to drug addictions. There are four actors who carry the whole of the film on their shoulders, a striking editing job, and a riveting soundtrack that combine to make to make Requiem a masterpiece about our inner demons and the monster of addiction.

Clockwise from top left: Druggie, Druggie, Mama, Druggie.

It stars Oscar winner Jennifer Connelly in one of her strongest performances ever, and Marlon Wayans, who despite his tendency to nab Razzies, comedy nominations, and Kid's Choice Awards, pulls off his role like some kind of pro (that's called great directing, kids).

Actress Ellen Burstyn plays one of the main characters, Sara Goldfarb, an aging mother who lives alone, and slowly begins to drown in an accidental addiction. Now Burstyn is someone you may not have heard of, so let me fill you in on a little secret. She's an actress of the highest caliber. She's been nominated six times for an Oscar, and won only once. But Burstyn is one of only twenty-one people who has ever won the "Triple Crown" of acting, winning an Oscar, a Tony, and an Emmy, a feat even 16-time Oscar nominee Meryl Streep can't claim. Even before she completed her Triple Crown Emmy win, she was nominated in 2006 for an Emmy for a performance of only 15 seconds and 38 words. Her character didn't even get a name in the credits of that episode, just the title "Ex-Lover #3". Ellen Freaking Burstyn, ladies and gentlemen, Ellen Freaking Burstyn.

"Yeah, and I'm 78 and still a babe, take THAT Betty White"

Despite Ellen's incredible performance in Requiem for a Dream, she lost the Oscar to Julia Roberts' Erin Brockovich. Lame. It's kind of like if Shakespeare in Love had won Best Picture in 1998 instead of Saving Private Ryan...OH. WAIT. Damn.

The film's fourth star is actor-musician, Jared Leto, who plays addict/dealer Harry Goldfarb. Leto, who has acted in a surprising number of Oscar winners and critically acclaimed films, is probably slightly better known as the lead singer of the band Thirty Seconds to Mars, but that's not saying much. He's not really the Brad Pitt of household names.

Even though he should be.
[insert gratuitous picture of shirtless Jared Leto here]

His band was the first Western band to film a music video in China, the first to film a music video in the Arctic Circle, and the first to feature the voices of tens of thousands of fans as an instrument of sorts on tracks of their album. But back to his acting. Leto is infamous for his methods of getting into character, and for Requiem the actor shed nearly 30 pounds from his already-slight frame, lived homeless with drug addicts on the streets of New York, and the Aranofsky allegedly asked him to refrain from having sex for thirty days to feel what it's like to really crave something.

This is who his girlfriend was at the time:
Cameron Diaz. She was pissed about him
being a starving smelly homeless guy who
wouldn't sleep with her.
She's now his ex.

The experience of being Harry Goldfarb was so traumatizing, that after they were done filming, Leto flew to an effing monastary in Portugal to like, recover from his no-longer-so-fake addictions. Seriously.

"Sheeeit, Portugal?"
"Yeah, Wayans, look at my teeny arms, I'm liek fainting right now."

Also the soundtrack was written by Clint Mansell, with string quartet arrangements by a Pulitzer prize winning composer, David Lang. It was so good that it's been used over and over for films like I am Legend, Babylon A.D., The Da Vinci Code, Lost, and even the Lord of the Rings films.

Just so you know, when I say this film is disturbing, don't say I didn't warn you.

Profuse use of profanity, a bunch of nudity, and sex, you name it, it's in here. It was so disturbing the MPAA, gave the film an NC-17, causing Aronofsky to release it as unrated and dooming it to open in only 2 theaters in the nation to make a grand total of $64,000 it's opening weekend, which is about how much Arnold Schwarzenegger was paid for three words of dialogue in Terminator 2. Despite Requiem for a Dream's wrenching realism, and the staggeringly phenomenal performances by its cast, the director and editor's work, and the soundtrack, the film didn't make much of a splash, and garnered only a single, lonely Oscar nom.

It rather defies genres; it's not an action flick, it's not a romance, it's a drama, but it's somehow also horror. Requiem for a Dream deserves more attention, to be sure, but just be aware you may not be able to sleep without having terrifying drug dreams about your appliances trying to eat you for about a week. It's that good.

Director: Darren Aranofsky (Pi, Black Swan, Requiem for a Dream)
Rated: Not Rated (original)
R for intense depiction of drug addiction, graphic sexuality, strong language and some violence (edited version)
Trailer

What is With These Beards?

2011-02-01T00:49:00.000-08:00

Look, beards are great, okay. Beards are cool, like their sexy cousin, stubble. Beards can even magically make some people look better than they looked beardless!

Case in point. Pictured: a magical beard.

But recently some famous celebrities have been walking the red carpet at the Golden Globes, the SAG Awards, and probably the Oscars with variations of horrendous beards. Let me demonstrate something:

This is how you wear a beard. It's
like an accessory.

Now check this out:

Their orange beards make me want to cry. Not because orange is a bad color for a beard- remember Jesse up there? And not because the color reminds me of spicy food and that makes my eyes water. This would be like that dress Helena Bonham Carter wore to the Golden Globes. Remember that one? Yeah. Stuff...just didn't match. That's what these beards remind me of. Okay, that's their natural beard color, what can they do? It's not bad that the color doesn't match, they just look ridiculous.

Distinctive Face of the Week: Colin Farrell

2011-01-26T00:59:00.000-08:00

I'd like you all to know that this weekly post takes longer than a movie review to write. It takes longer than making fun of the Golden Globes red carpet looks. It takes forfreakingever. Why? Because it takes me all day to find someone with a truly distinctive face. I tried to make Anne Hathaway this week's distinctive face before realizing she looks strikingly similar to Emmy Rossum. Then I tried Demi Moore, but she looks like Jordana Brewster. Mila Kunis looks like Vanessa Hudgens, Zac Efron looks like a young Jared Leto, and then I was like, "oh What about Ashley Olson?" Before remembering she has a literal freaking twin. I figured this would be a quick and easy addition to this blog until I found out just how rare a distinctive face really is...

This week's Distinctive Face? Colin Farrell

It's like George Clooney and Enrique Iglesias had an Irish lovechild who looks
like he melts chocolate with his eyes

Ah Colin Farrell. Where to begin? Farrell is kind of like a Tom Hanks- he does Forrest Gump and then he does...Da Vinci Code. Colin here has been in some excellent films, and directed by the likes Oliver Stone, Joel Schumacher, Steven Spielberg, Woody Allen, and Peter Weir. He's been nominated over and over for Best Actor awards from pretty much everyone except the Academy, but also he was Bullseye in Daredevil. Yeah, remember that? NO! Ack don't recall it, it's too awful.

Here's to make you feel better and forget about that whole Daredevil business

Farrell broke into mainstream Hollywood in 2000's Tigerland, and has been working his way up to the big time ever since. True, his career has been spotted with "eh" moments, but overall he's established himself as a versatile, talented actor. Farrell usually takes on challenging, not-the-norm roles, often affecting an accent. He's been cast in supporting roles under Tom Cruise, Christian Bale, Kevin Spacey, but graduated to leading roles in recent years. His life in the spotlight has been characterized by scandals- a sex tape, a crazy stalker, drugs and alcohol threatened to derail his career until he got sober.

I pretty much just don't want to write another paragraph
so um...here is this picture, 'cause it, you know, says a
thousand words and stuff.

Best moment of his career so far? His role as a hitman with a heart in the dark comedy In Bruges. Think Boondock Saints meets a bit of Snatch. Check it. 'Cause it's amazing. His latest projects are London Boulevard with Keira Knightley, and The Way Back, which I've talked about before. Expect to see him later this year in the comedy Horrible Bosses, which stars kind of everyone, including the guy from the Old Spice commercials. Seriously.

Aw he has a nice smile too. Look,
Seriously, this is just so much better
than more words, right?

Review: The Social Network

2011-01-25T03:24:00.000-08:00

When the unconventional posters for The Social Network were released in conjunction with its dramatic, innovative trailer, the world knew this movie would be something else. Or maybe I'm just obsessed with trailers. No matter.

The Social Network is directed by David Fincher, who isn't really a household name despite the fact that he's directed films like Benjamin Button and Fight Club. Martin Scorcese, Steven Spielberg, James Cameron...they tend to make "bigger" films in the sense that they make a billion dollars. Fincher, on the other hand, is a little more selective; he's less prolific, and his films rarely ever graze the $100 million mark. But this guy knows what he's doing. After all, got Aaron Sorkin on board, who is one of the most beloved screenwriters I know of for his show, The West Wing, which ran for seven fast-talking seasons. If you know Kevin Smith, you know he's infamous for writing long-winded monologues for his characters. Sorkin is known for dialogue as well, but in a different way. He writes fast-paced give-and-take conversation like no other. Social Network is very much an idea that Sorkin was meant to write the words to. He captures Zuckerberg, Parker, the Winklevoss twins beautifully, and without any trepidation. Despite the fact that the media has downplayed the reality of the caricatures Sorkin created in comparison to the actual people, I beg to differ. Their souls are right there on film. Watch an interview with Zuckerberg, or Parker, and you'll recognize what Sorkin brought to the screen right there. I loved Sorkin's Zuckerberg, but his Winklevoss twins were spot on, and oh so humorous they stole every scene they were in.

The film stars Jesse Eisenberg, who has been on the rise the last couple of years seemingly out of nowhere. He's been around for maybe ten years, but in 2009 he did five films in the course of one year. Considering he's only done like 20 films, that's a quarter of his career in one year. That year's Adventureland and Zombieland put him in the big leagues, and he was soon acting alongside some of the biggest names in showbiz. Now he's starring in a film that he's been nabbing nominations for like crazy. He's expected to be announced as an Academy Award nomination for Best Actor later today.

"omg you guys, just hand over my Oscar already"

And this guy was born to deliver lines written by Aaron Sorkin, which is awesome. And if you haven't seen the movie yet, be prepared to get the creepy crawlies at the intensity of his cold staring black eyes as he bites his words from his mouth. Beautifully done.

Justin Timberlake has a major role as Sean Parker, the guy who invented Napster, and also a driving force behind why Facebook is the biggest, coolest thing ever these days. Andrew Garfield portrays Eduardo Savarin, Zuckerberg's financial partner when they started Facebook, whom Zuck eventually coldly cut out of the company. His strong performance may have contributed to his landing the new Spider-Man reboot movie (which I still have not formed opinions about). Armand Hammer, otherwise known as Armie Hammer, but come on, let's just call him by his name people, it's so much funnier, plays both Winklevoss twins. Which is also awesome.

Also he- er they. Er he. Look great in a suit.

The story of Facebook, as told by The Social Network, is a story of an insanely smart dude, someone who understands how people tick maybe better than he understands how he himself ticks. It's the dramatic story of friendship, of betrayal, and of a rise to a kind of fortune people don't even dream of because it's so impossible.

"Yeah, well, people always thought being this
gorgeous was too impossible to dream of too
but here I am"

Look, people have said that it's too dramatized, it's unfair to Zuck, it doesn't tell the whole story, or whatever. And yeah, Zuckerberg rented out a theater and took the whole company to see the movie when it came out, supposedly in a show of good humor and acceptance or something. Yeah I don't buy it. This guy is smart okay. He obviously can't decry the film, because it makes him look bad. Instead, support it, be kind, be cool. It's all about being cool. Then take the office to see it to demonstrate to them that you're awesome, you get movies made about you, you're cool, you're in charge, and you will screw them over if they mess with you. Sounds smart to me. YOU CAN'T FOOL ME ZUCKERBERG!

Now I'm gonna link this to Facebook.

Director: David Fincher
Rated: PG-13 for sexual content, drug and alcohol use, and language.
IMDb page
Trailer:

2011 Golden Globes: Photo Nomination

2011-01-18T16:58:00.000-08:00

I hereby nominate this photo for most awkward Red Carpet look.

Jane Krakowski. Ready to give birth, even at the Golden Globes.

This really is a wonderful dress, and a great color, but also she's pregnant. Did you see Natalie Portman's dress? Okay, it was simple, modest, very motherly, great color choice, and it looked great on her. But Jane Krakowski here is wearing four-inch heels which, unless she's on some crazy pain medications, are probably killing her back. The dress has also been tailored not just for a pregnant woman, but specifically for her pregnant belly, so it is cradled in some very tight fabric. What makes this dress the most awkward of the night is the slit up the side. Is that for easy access in case she goes into pre-term labor, because that's the only explanation I can think of.

2011 Golden Globes: Just a Quick Laugh

2011-01-18T01:29:00.000-08:00

This is Annette Bening at the Golden Globes and R-Patz like three years ago. The striking similarity was just too funny to not post, my friends.

2011 Golden Globe Awards: Dress Mess

2011-01-18T01:04:00.000-08:00

First of all, let's talk fashion. We can discuss the actual awards after. Let me start off by saying that every other woman arriving on the red carpet looked like she was headed for a high school prom (Jenna Ushkowitz, Mila Jovovich, Julia Stiles, Kelly Osbourne, Piper Perabo, I'm talking to you). The actresses who weren't going to prom were wearing sleek silhouettes and gorgeous nudes, neutrals, and pretty pinks, and it looked like some of them even let their children dress them (Aw cute? Uh, no). Let's take a look at the 2011 Golden Globes fashion...

Clothing Confusion...
That's what these had to be. Just a little mistake. One of those "it seemed like a good idea at the time" fashion oopses. Their make up is sweet and their hair is perfect, but the dress just kinda ruins it with its confused design.

Elizabeth Moss's green dress has a wonderful neckline, but it quickly becomes a mess of asymmetrical lines and random pleating. Jane Lynch's dress was too heavy, even tall as she is, and the texture is feathery one moment, and pleating the next, and then there's the belt and the awkward neck. Hope Davis' dress would have been gorgeous if its design weren't so schizo. Lace seems to have been assigned at random, but the silhouette is pretty.

Oh that's not that...mm okay, yeah it is...

Sometimes it's the little things that make or break a dress. It could be the fabric that just doesn't work, or the shape, or maybe your shoes are just weird. Even a flat hairstyle can take the air out of your outfit's sails (cough Olivia Wilde cough).

With Tina Fey's dress, there seems to be something awkward about the fabric, and something uncomfortable about its over-clinginess, and there's definitely something funky about those shoulder pleats. Jennifer Lopez's gown is downright gorgeous. She would have been on the best dressed list...if it weren't for that ridiculous cape. I don't know where to begin with Heidi Klum's dress. It doesn't seem to fit, the waist is bulky, and the material seems to drape in all the wrong ways.

Face Palm...
You've been warned. What you are about to see may cause you to slap yourself compulsively and repetitively in the face. These ladies were going for an edgy look, but it seems they may have fallen off the edge and into a swamp of "aaaaaugh"

Gabourey Sidibe usually shows up on the red carpet dazzling in a perfect gown, but this seems to be the exception. This floral nightgown should have stayed at home. Julianne Moore. The color is loud, which is great, but the one long sleeve swooping up to grab the gold halter neck is just a little too..."what?" Halle Berry has been a red carpet glamour icon, but she seems to have lost her way in the mall and stumbled out of Victoria's Secret onto the red carpet. The bodice could have worked, but the sheer asymmetry and odd layering going on in the skirt spoils the look.

Queens of the Dress Mess...
Somehow they were let out of the house looking like this. Why? We may never know.

January Jones's scarlet dress was sizzlin' hot. Except for the fringe going on at the bottom. And the fact that when I saw it I immediately thought of this scene from The Fifth Element when Mila Jovovich runs around scantily clad.

Can we talk about the fact that her shoes don't match? Also her dress seems to be coming FROM EVERYWHERE and it creates a four-foot radius of dress doom that no one wants to wander into. Also she's wearing sunglasses and appears to have fashioned her hair into a fuzzy hat.

I'll be the first to admit I've never been a fan of Tilda Swinton's minimalism, but I have always been intrigued by her red carpet looks. Until this. Everything about the cut is awkward- the material, the hem, the sleeves...please make it go away.

2011 Golden Globe Awards: Best Dressed

2011-01-17T23:22:00.000-08:00

First of all, let's talk fashion. We can discuss the actual awards after. Let me start off by saying that every other woman arriving on the red carpet looked like she was headed for a high school prom (Jenna Ushkowitz, Mila Jovovich, Julia Stiles, Kelly Osbourne, Piper Perabo, I'm talking to you). The actresses who weren't going to prom were wearing sleek silhouettes and gorgeous nudes, neutrals, and pretty pinks, and it looked like some of them even let their children dress them (Aw cute? Uh, no). Let's take a look at the 2011 Golden Globes fashion...

Creams, Neutrals, and Nudes...
Carrie Underwood, Julie Bowen, Michelle Williams, and Leighton Meester also looked smashing in their beige ensembles, and Helen Mirren dazzled in her golden gown, but these ladies take the cake for wearing their creams and neutrals best.

Anne Hathaway, Scarlett Johansson, and Sandra Bullock rocked the glitter and neutrals shades

Sarah Hyland, Kaley Cuoco, and Dianna Agron wore elegant designs with both fun textures and classic style.

Honorable Mentions for Best Gown...
Nicole Kidman looked statuesque in her white column of a dress, and Mila Kunis wore a flattering jewel green gown; I've heard plenty about Angelina Jolie's matronly glittering dress, and Amy Adams' luxurious navy gown was lovely; Edie Falco's red dress was pretty, but not amazing; Kyra Sedgewick wore a flowing goldenrod gown; Glee's Naya Rivera nearly made the list, which would have put three Glee stars on the Honorable Mentions; but I have to say these ladies looked so phenomenal that they make the rest of the crowd of gowns look boring.

Eva Longoria's gown is exquisite, Amber Riley's is so glamorous, and Lea Michelle's pick in both color and design
is yet another hit for the young style icon.

Emma Stone's unexpected sleek and simple dress was very nearly the best dress on the red carpet. There's something about simplicity that's more elegant than all the ruffles in the world. Christina Hendricks provided the red carpet with some of her red bombshell allure; the hair, the silver accessories, the touch of modesty, all combined into a great look. Natalie Portman wore her baby bump with style in enchanting pink and red silk. Catherine Zeta Jones brought the glamour of Scarlett O'Hara, in a dramatic forest green gown that made her stand out in a crowd of slim designs.

Best Dress...
Glee's Heather Morris wore the best gown of the evening. With a simple updo, and natural makeup, the young actress let her outfit do the talking. The strong silhouette, the creamy color, the simplicity of it make it the best dress of the evening, hands down.

Movie Posters Accidentally Gone Wrong II

2011-01-17T18:32:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I see a movie poster and wonder what the design team was thinking when they put it together. Some posters just weren't meant for this time period, others seem to have worrisome double meanings, and still others are just sort of...off. Here are a few posters gone wrong.

This poster has several different, but equally disturbing messages. 1) This poor rabbit is on a conveyor belt, or maybe a shelf, of chocolate rabbits and is about to be eaten. He stands naively at ease waiting to die. 2) This rabbit has just cruelly and gleefully turned his fellow rabbits into chocolate statues that will now be eaten. Look at the fear in the eyes of those chocolate bunnies and tell me I'm wrong. That smug look on the real rabbit's face now looks a little sinister, now doesn't it? 3) This is an actual rabbit touching regular old chocolate bunnies in an assembly line. Let me remind you that rabbits carry a variety of terrible diseases that can be transmitted to humans, including rabies. Now think again how you feel about a rabbit touching food that children will soon eat. Yes. It's gross.

. I never really thought about it, but once I noticed it, now I can't stop noticing it. This has got to be the absolute most awkward pose they could possibly have picked. The poor girl is bent over, and stretching her neck to look up, as she stretches her arms down in holding flowers. Mostly she looks like she really needs to use the bathroom.

I don't need to explain this, right? It's the eyes. Aaaaaaaagh it's the eyes!

Star Trek. Waving the flag of gay pride in space.

This movie is coming out in 2011. It features an emotionally distant Mel Gibson carrying a beaver puppet around and using it to speak to people. Need I say more? Everything about this movie is absurdly hilarious.

Okay last one. This is the Grinch. On someone's roof in the dead of night. With no pants. Awkward. Also can I just mention that his dog is uh, looking up. Awkward.

Distinctive Face of the Week: Jensen Ackles

2011-01-17T05:01:00.000-08:00

Seriously, they say plastic surgery is like an epidemic in LA, but why is no one talking about the rampant cloning?

In the world of entertainment, your face is everything. This may surprise you, but let's be honest, it's not your voice that really matters, look at Taylor Swift or Justin Bieber. They don't have the pipes of say, Jennifer Hudson, but you can bet their shows are bigger. And it's not your talent that matters either. Case in point? The entire cast of Twilight. Minus Anna Kendrick, because she actually has talent in addition to her distinctive face. No, what really matters is your image, your face. Sometimes it seems like actors and actresses just blend together in a big steaming pile of hotness sometimes, but every once in awhile, a distinctive face jumps out at you.

Take Jensen Ackles for example. He has one Distinctive Face.

The guy is all chin, and all pout. He was on soaps like Days of Our Lives (which got him not one, not two, but three Daytime Emmy noms) and Dark Angel for a few years, and even Dawson's Creek, before guest starring on CW's Smallville. Audiences liked him so much he got his own show on the CW that same year, Supernatural, which has been so successful that it's now in its sixth season.

Supernatural follows two brothers, Sam and Dean, as they travel around the country in their dad's '67 Chevy Impala fighting supernatural evil. The greatest shows that have lasted longest on television are almost invariably relationship-based. Lost? not about mystery or mythology, it's about people. X Files? Not about aliens- it's Scully and Mulder that kept that show alive. Supernatural is the same way; it's about the relationship between two brothers, it's about family. It's also about Ackles making this face:

Which he tends to do a lot. About every other scene. The best part of Supernatural is the strange ease with which the writers and actors poke fun at themselves. In season four the show took on a whole new dimension when the brothers discover by accident that a series of "fiction" books has become popular that actually documents their lives in impossibly accurate detail. Is something...supernatural going on? Well of course. The rest of the season mixes comedy with the show's normally serious story arc as more about the books and their mysterious author comes to light. The show's writers do as much as possible to tear down the fourth wall as the brothers attend a convention for the books, are confronted by their own fans, and discover slash fanfiction written about them on the internet. In a particularly hysterical episode the book's author tells his fans, "It's not jumping the shark if you never come back down." If only Lost had discovered its comedic side and could have addressed how Kate always managed to keep her legs shaved...but I digress. Ackles is at his best here on a show that celebrates cheese, caters to its fans, and gives him plenty of reason to make that brooding face.

He can show off that pout any time he likes as far as I'm concerned. Ackles has done a few movies, but nothing huge. His role as Priestly from the Indie film Ten Inch Hero garnered great reviews, but the movie never got a wide theater release, so no one saw it. No matter, some actors are meant for television. Like David Duchovny of X Files or Nathan Fillion of Firefly, Ackles is meant for it. Here's to hoping he and his distinctive face will grace our televisions for years to come.

IMDb page

Suggestion: Go to YouTube and search for funny moments from the show, particularly the episodes "Monster at the End of the Book" and "Tall Tales"

Promised Greatness That Was Never Delivered

2011-01-09T02:08:00.000-08:00

Some trailers make the films they advertise look incredible. I mean, remember the Watchmen trailer? Incredible. Or what about the Kick Ass trailer? If we're talking amazing trailers, we can't leave out 300 or Dark Knight, or fail to mention The Matrix or Cold Mountain, and certainly included on the list would be Hot Fuzz, Deathly Hallows, Two Towers, and The Social Network. Do you remember the trailer for The Strangers? I literally cannot get through just the trailer without chills. The first time I saw it I was sitting in a movie theater and people were actually gasping aloud in fear. That scene where that masked guy is just standing there in the house behind Liv Tyler, a lady in the audience screamed. Now that's a damn good trailer.

But some trailers promise true greatness...and then the film doesn't deliver. It's actually possible to make a lame movie look awesome with a perfect trailer. Even I, the great trailer connoisseur, can be fooled. Watch each trailer for these examples, read my assessments and tell me what you think...

The Happening

Come on, when you saw this trailer for the first time, you were freaked. I know when I saw it for the first time I honestly thought M. Night might be making his comeback. I mean, the people falling from the sky? The music? The actors? It looked really, really good. And in fact the first quarter of the movie was pretty alright. Aaaaand then it was plants. Oops, did I spoil that for anyone? Yeah well you don't want to see this anyhow. Literally, the villain of the movie, the big M. Night Shyalmalan twist is plants. Plants are releasing a toxin that makes you commit suicide. That's literally the entire plotline, the entire story, the entire thing. Mark Wahlberg and Zooey Deschanel spend half the movie running from wind rippling the tall grass.

Read the original caption. Now understand my response: THEY FLED TO A FARM?!
IT'S PLANTS! PLANTS ARE THE EVIL! RUN FROM THE FAAAAARM!

Talk about a let-down.

The Losers

This trailer made this movie look like a nonstop action flick with big names that would be high on entertainment and low on being as crappy as being a guy unlucky enough to be turned into a vampire while he was fat and prepubescent and now has to live out eternity that way with a squeaky voice and BO. Instead we got the fat vampire, if you've been following the analogy. Aside from Chris Evans, who was actually highly entertaining, even Justin Long didn't deliver, and Zoe Saldana and the rest of the cast just sort of plodded alongside the pointless action. You want an action flick to have pointless action, but The Losers really overdid it. The villain was overplayed, and the plot was underdeveloped, even for an action movie, and that's saying something. Aside from a few great scenes (all can be seen in the trailer) the rest of the movie blows like bad gas from that bean burrito lunch that you do not want blown in your face. Yes, smell that right now. It's failure.

Star Wars: The Phantom Menace

If you're like me, you may have been raised in a household in which lines to the Star Wars movies were frequently quoted, and watching Episodes IV, V, and VI were a monthly affair. Lightsaber battles were acted out as a game, complete with "Wah wah wah" noises. So if you're like me, you might remember the thrill that went through you upon first seeing this trailer. The theme, quiet at first, bursts into a crescendo. There's Obi-Wan, Yoda, and is that? Yes! 3PO and R2! My gosh, the effects look amazing! Oh won't it be great! And there's even a glimpse of young Anakin Skywalker before he becomes the evil Darth Vader, isn't he cute? Aaaand then you actually saw the movie. AND THEN YOU BECAME ANGRY AND IF THE FORCE EXISTED YOUR ANGER WOULD HAVE TURNED TO HATE AND YOU WOULD HAVE SUFFERED BECAUSE YOUR BELOVED SERIES WAS RUINED FOREVER by bad dialogue and a child actor WHO CAN'T ACT.

"Aaaag I've suddenly and irreversibly become a dark sith master
because of the terrible job you did on this moviiiiie!"

There's a reason Jake Lloyd's acting career ended with Star Wars. It's because he can't act. I don't need to explain why this movie sucked, you saw it, you know. It was terrible, and we can all cry together over it now and dream of a remake twenty years from now.

I'm Most Excited About...#6

2011-01-09T00:40:00.000-08:00

These are a few films that have been on my radar for some time, and they're the films I'm probably most excited to see. Some of these films have been released, but I haven't seen them yet, so there. Here's the sixth film of this series...

Poster design stolen from Babel but whatever

Let me start off by telling you that this movie is directed by Peter Weir, who has been nominated for Oscars, six times, four of them for Best Director. If you're unclear on what that means, that's the same number as Martin Scorcese. Weir has directed greats like The Truman Show, Witness, Gallipoli, Master and Commander, and Dead Poets Society. The guy has directed five actors in huge Oscar-nominated roles, and been nominated by the Director's Guild of America four times as Best Director. This is the guy who not only got the world to take Ace Ventura, Pet Detective seriously, but got him an Oscar nod. Just think about that for a second.

Let me remind you who Ace Ventura is...

Now let's take a look at the actors he's got lined up. We've got Jim Sturgess a Brit who broke into the mainstream with Across the Universe in 2007; Colin Farrell, an Irish gent who is one of the best under-appreciated actors in Hollywood today (seriously, have you seen In Bruge, or even heard of it? It's brilliant); Ed Harris, who has been at the height of his career in recent years with such masterpieces Beautiful Mind, A History of Violence, and Gone Baby Gone also stars. Mark Strong, who has been playing bad guys like there's no tomorrow at the rate of three or four or five a year for the last ten years, is - you guessed it- a villain.

In addition to these fine actors, Saoirse Ronan costars. In case you haven't heard of this up and coming prodigy of an actress, let me fill you in. Ronan starred alongside James McAvoy and Keira Knightley in a flawless performance in Atonement in 2007; it was her first year acting on the big screen. She was nominated for an Oscar, a Golden Globe, and a BAFTA for Best Supporting Actress. Since then she's been nominated by one guild or another for Best Actress in every single subsequent film she's been in. Every single one. Oh, did I mention that she was one of the youngest actresses to ever be nominated for an Oscar- she was 13. In 2009 TIME Magazine listed her performance in The Lovely Bones as the third greatest female performance of 2009, ahead of Meryl Streep. Her next film, coming out in 2011 is called Hanna, in which she plays a teenage assassin trained by her father to be a killing machine. After that she's slated to work with Peter Jackson in the first Hobbit movie. Let me just sum up what I'm trying to say. This kid picks winners. Every time.

"I am coming for you Oscaaaaar!"

Pretty much that's why this movie is set to kick ass. Peter Weir + incredible actors + Ronan the actress + Ronan the good luck charm. The film is set in the 1940s and the main characters are escapees from a Soviet gulag who must walk 4,000 miles to freedom, Epic right? Yeah, I thought so too. Also, can I just mention that the IMDb cast and crew page lists two characters called Garbage Eater #1 and Garbage Eater #2, which means...

Aaaaaaaaaa!

...Yes, an actual Oscar may also star. Either that or some guys eat garbage. Poor guys don't even get names.

Anyway, check out the trailer, it's great

Director: Peter Weir
Release Date: played at film festivals this fall, but so far no wide theater release.
Rated: PG-13 for violent content, depiction of physical hardships, a nude image and brief strong language.
IMDb page

Movie Posters Accidentally Gone Wrong

2011-01-08T02:53:00.000-08:00

It's like that Aragorn scene in Lord of the Rings:
"The orcs are attackiiiing!" What? Wrong movie, sorry.

Somewhere in designing this poster someone just thought it would be funny. Then it actually got approved, and then before you know it it's on display all over the place. At least that's the only explanation I can think of for why a Bible story would get, first of all, a name like One Night With the King, making the main character sound like a hooker, or second how it then got the tagline, "Feel the touch of destiny".

The movie is about the Biblical story of Esther, and the actress who plays the titular character has been on quite a few shows, and a few crap movies. More impressive is the line-up of supporting actors: Peter O'Toole, John Noble, John Rhys-Davies, and Omar Sharif, goodness gracious!

"Come here and feel the touch of destiny, my child..."

Before you panic, none of these guys is the king who's supposedly touching Esther with his "touch of destiny". Yes, I exhaled that same sigh of relief. That guy is played by pretty boy Brit, Luke Goss, who's in a band and done some acting work. Whatevs. None of it is enough to save this poster from being made an example of. As if the title weren't bad enough the tagline makes it that much worse. The title is forgivable, but packaged with the tagline it's unforgettably sexual in a way that takes a Bible story about a queen trying to keep a king from mass murdering all her peeps, specifically the Jewish people, and turns it into a one-night stand. Oops.

Released in 2006, the movie cost an estimated $20,000,000 to make, and promptly lost money. That's what you get with limited advertising and a tagline like "Feel the touch of destiny". I mean come on.

Distinctive Face of the Week: Drew Barrymore

2011-01-05T00:28:00.000-08:00

It's not just me, Lucy Lawless and that girl from Step Up 2 look strikingly similar to a ton of other people in their line of work. It makes having a face that stands out all the more valuable.

Pictured: Drew Barrymore's famous smirk

Drew Barrymore. She has one of the most distinctive faces in Hollywood. This girl has been queen of the RomCom for the last ten years since Adam Sandler first laughed at the name "Julia Gulia" in The Wedding Singer. Barrymore's breakout role was as a child star in Steven Spielberg's famous E.T. There's a new generation of kids today who sadly don't get the joke when you hold up a finger and say "E.T. Phohohohone Hoooome" in that funny voice, but you know Drew would get it.

From her pleasantly husky voice, to her famous smirk, to that perfect Cupid's bow, Drew Barrymore's features are as distinctive as that silly smile she's always making, you know the one

Yep, that's the one

Drew proves you don't have to throw up after every meal to be gorgeous. She's no size 2, and we love her all the more for it. Her cherubic cheeks are iconic, and her bubbly personality has helped her make Hollywood her bitch. Whether she's cracking us up in Music and Lyrics, or quoting literature in Ever After, or kicking ass as a Charlie's Angel, or charming us with a sweet smile, we love her. Believe it or not, she's also been nominated for over seventy awards. Yes, that's right, seventy. Last year she made her directorial debut with Whip It starring Ellen Page.

Distinctive Face of the Week

2010-12-30T22:38:00.000-08:00

Maybe it's just me, but these days it seems all celebrity debutantes look alike. In the sea of faces it's easy to confuse one celebrity with another. Like Isla Fischer and that other redhead, or say, all of the Jonas Brothers. Sometimes you just stick out because you're kind of funny looking, like Rob Pattinson.

Don't deny it, you know it's kind of true.

But there are a few who are particularly striking. Welcome to the new series, Distinctive Face of the Week. Otherwise known as "Super Pretty People" if we're being honest.

Whatever.

Here's this week's distinctive face:

There's just something about Jennifer Garner's long chin, angular cheekbones, and unbelievable symmetry that sets her apart. Not sets her apart like the Guggenheim looks like a giant toilet bowl, but sets her apart like she's gorgeous.

Love it.

I'm Most Excited About...#5

2010-12-30T21:05:00.000-08:00

"I have a gun AND a sword. Also I look like
a prostitute wooo!"

Zack Snyder has really proven himself in recent years with a succession of both entertaining and aesthetically pleasing flicks. 300 not only was a great adaptation of Frank Miller's epic graphic novel, it was a fabulous foray into the action genre. Snyder became an instant household name after the film's release, and has used his star power to push other risky, unique projects through. It's not like the guy has some list like Spielberg or Howard a mile long to brag about. He's directed a total of six full-length films, that's it. It's phenomenal that this dude has managed to film success after success after success. It's like he's got some kind of touch of King Midas, only leave out the part about turning his children into gold. I mean, Watchmen was really a masterpiece (although as a fan of what is hailed as the greatest graphic novel ever written I must say I was disappointed with the film adaptation's weak ending). Still, Snyder's work has a certain artistic edge that most films are missing in favor of cheap tricks and flashy effects.

Let's also talk for a moment about the fact that Synder seems to like turning genres around. With Dawn of the Dead he made a remake likeable and even...dare I say it? Good.With Watchmen we got a different look at what "Superheroes" might really be like, and with Guardians of Ga'Hoole the main characters were owls. Now, in Sucker Punch Snyder strikes again with the rebellious twist- an action flick starring only girls? Seriously, it's absurd. Almost every female action hero has shared the screen with a bigger, better male counterpart, including Trinity, Hit Girl, and Sarah Connor. You could count on two hands the number of female heroines who have ever stood on their own (Here, I'll help you: Ripley, Lara Croft, Buffy Summers, Sidney Bristow, Alice, The Bride, and maybe Selene. There. Done.)

This is why she doesn't make the list. She's just not badass enough to
out-badass the Terminator over there.

On the other hand, THIS.

And yet, it just might work. Synder seems to have a penchant for sort-of-not-really-well-known actors to star in his films, and Sucker Punch is no exception. Five girls, who have starred in a few movies, including High School Frickin' Musical are about to become the newest team of action heroines. Hopefully they think for themselves instead of blindly following the orders of some guy on the other end of the phone, like a few Charlie's Angels who will remain unnamed.

Seriously, have you seen the trailer? No? Well lucky for you, I've embedded it here:

They fight a friggin' dragon.

Director: Zack Snyder (300, Watchmen)
Release Date: March 25, 2011
Rated: Not Yet Rated
IMDb page

Is TVD a Twilight Spin-Off?

2010-12-16T20:03:00.000-08:00

Stefan: broody brood brood

Edward: broody brood broody brood

Hmm. This is suspicious. Both Twilight and The Vampire Diaries feature a brunette girl in high school being romanced by a vamp. Coincidence?

There is no defense for the blonde, vegetarian vamp hero who is constantly trying to save his brown-haired girlfriend from the dangers of evil vamps and werewolves...or is there? I'll just briefly mention that the author of the books TVD is based on wrote her series years before Stephenie Meyer started writing her poorly constructed novels. One might even argue that she read the TVD series and decided to copy it, and it was unrecognizable because Meyer’s creative writing skills are so unbelievably terrible. (Example: "My mechanic is busy these days, busy running around as a giant wolf,” says Bella of Jacob.)

Current plan for avoiding being compared to Twilight: lots of oil, and

naked legs; also a girl in a corset sitting in a guy's crotch with

another guy's head in her crotch.

I'm Most Excited About...#4

2010-12-15T00:24:00.000-08:00

I could go on for several paragraphs about why this movie is pretty much going to be amazing, but honestly, why would that be necessary? Let's just quickly run through the facts.

It stars Daniel Craig, who has been signed on to the James Bond franchise as the titular character, and doing a fabulous job as the famous agent. While I had a cold attitude toward the new Bond, who is more rough and tumble than suave, I quickly warmed up to Craig. He may have yet to utter the famous "Bond, James Bond" line, but as far as I'm concerned he's already established his Bond badassery. Craig will now be applying this badassery to this movie, which is fine with me.

Co-starring with Craig is Harrison Ford, who's last three movies have been, to put it lightly, bad. Need I remind you of the fourth Indiana Jones, or Extraordinary Measures? Let's just ignore his reprisal as Indy and stick with his other recent films, which have pretty much been him trying to move outside the Action genre. And the other genres pretty much crushed his soul under the cash from his sellout and told him to get back where he belongs. So now, here's Ford in a new action movie getting back in the saddle (ahaha Western, saddle, get it?). Here's to hoping it's awesome. And who are we kidding? It's Harrison Ford getting his hands dirty in a western. I'm up for that. Olivia Wilde also stars. The actress has been in breakout heaven this season with two big-budget films, this and Tron.

Also have I mentioned the star power behind this? Steven Spielberg is executive producer, Ron Howard and Brian Grazer are also producing. As for the writers, Robert Orci, Alex Kurtzman, and Damon Lindelof are the powerhouses behind this baby. You might not recognize those names, so let me just say that they pretty much own the genre of Awesome. No joke. Orci and Kurtzman wrote the new Star Trek, both Transformers, TV shows Hawaii Five-O and Fringe, Mission Impossible III, The Island, and to top it all, several seasons of Alias. Lindelof is pretty famous as well for a little show that was pretty popular called Lost. Director Jon Favreau has been at the helm of both Iron Man movies. Seriously, the crew is almost cooler than the cast.

"How DARE you! I am definitely cooler. Say it. Or I'll blast you
with this alien weapon attached to my arm"

Director: Jon Favreau (Iron Man, Elf)
Release Date: 29 July 2011
Rated: Not Yet Rated
IMDb page

Not Too Happy With This One...

2010-12-14T19:15:00.000-08:00

OMG! The new Pirates of the Caribbean trailer is out! Check it!

Yeah. It kinda sucked, huh? That's what I thought too.

Let's start with the fact that the trailer is over three minutes long, which is absurd. It doesn't come out for months. What they needed was a teaser, because everyone loves teasers. And when I say everyone, I mean I gave myself a survey and answered "yes" to "do you love teaser-trailers?" A long trailer ruins suspense and lowers anticipation for the film because 1) it's difficult to release a "new" trailer now to continue to heighten anticipation. The trailers will mostly now be the same with maybe one scene added in or taken out. And 2) the audience isn't given a small taste of what's to come in order to make them so ravenously hungry they won't care if the movie is bad, they'll just see it because they need resolution from that damn trailer. As evidence, I call your attention to the 300, Dark Knight, and Transformers 2 teaser-trailers. It didn't matter how good the movies were going to be, the scenes were just awesome. That's what the POTC 4 teaser needed. A couple of good scenes of Johnny Depp doing his Jack Sparrow thing, because everyone loves it. Instead we got three whole minutes of cobbled together scenes of the good Cap'n saying some sort of funny stuff and glimpses of random characters, and long explanation of the premise, which seemed really unnecessary. It's the Fountain of Youth we get it. STOP SAYING IT OVER AND OVER.

Also, what's with the breaking the fourth wall thing? It was an entirely unnecessary, and overly childish, time-consuming, kind of boring part of the trailer. "Hello boys and girls...my name is Captain Jack Sparrow". Seriously? Super lame.

I want to be super excited for this movie, and I can't lie- I will definitely see it. Because Depp and Sparrow are just great. But the last two I've been disappointed by, so I'm not holding my breath for some mind-blowing show.

"Ah I think I see an enemy over there, let's hide behind these vines and my dreads will blend in!"

Transformers 3 Trailer Released

2010-12-10T10:07:00.000-08:00

My obsession with trailers and expertise regarding them tells me this is a great trailer. What is it? What's going on? Astronauts? Yes. A moon conspiracy even better than faking the moon landing? Yes. A transformer? Yes. The actors that IMDb tells me are starring in the film don't even appear in the trailer, but they include Shia LaBouf, Josh Duhamel, Hugo Weaving, Tyrese Gibson, Allen Tudyk, John Malkovich, Ken Jeong, Patrick Dempsey, and Frances freaking McDormand, to name just a few. John Turturro will also be reprising his role as that funny, but mostly annoying guy- you know the one. As if it weren't enough to have a list of actors a mile long, a new character, Carly Witwicky is introduced in this movie, who will be played by Victoria's Secret model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. Apparently, Megan Fox was both irritating to work with, and not good-looking enough for this movie. So they replaced Megan:

Hey, I'm Megan

With Rosie:

"Hey, I'm a Victoria's Secret model"

Well played, Michael Bay. Well played.

Director: Michael Bay
Release Date: 1 July 2011
Rated: Not Yet Rated
IMDb page

I'm Most Excited About...#3

2010-12-09T17:18:00.000-08:00

"Check it ladies, my wingspan is like huge"

Okay, so considering the last two films I wrote about were A) graphically disgusting enough to make people puke in public, or B) a psychological thriller involving an unbalanced (ironic, I know) ballerina going insane, it might seem strange that I'm so interested in Pale Male. But seriously, have you seen the trailer? Because it will totally make you cry.

The Legend of Pale Male is a documentary about an extraordinary bird nicknamed "Pale Male" by New Yorkers. Now although Red-tailed Hawks are common in North America, the bird hasn't been seen in New York for a hundred years. In 1993, this one awesome hawk showed up in New York City and was like, "Hey look, a giant kingdom I should rule over! Now I need a sweet crib, mmmm I guess 5th Avenue will do." Birdwatchers took notice of the hawk when he built a huge nest overlooking the city. Before long fans of the Pale Male, as he was named, were congregating to see what he would do next, and pretty soon after that, Pale Male had an international fandom. The movie follows Pale Male and his story.

"I must fly around and make sure everyone remembers I am their ruler."

Now if you're not quite getting why anyone would care about a boring old bird, let me enlighten you. Red-Tailed Hawks are wicked cool. First of all, they have a wingspan of nearly five feet, which means they're twice the size of your toddler. Second, these hawks particularly choose nesting spots that overlook all of their domain, which is generally a cliff overlooking the whole freaking world. Or in Pale Male's case, he picked a spot where he could hang out with Woody Allen and Mary Tyler Moore. These birds weigh only 3 pounds, yet they routinely hunt game that's twice their size.

This rabbit used to be half his size

Not only that, but they fiercely defend their nests from Eagles, which are twice their size, and Great Horned Owls, which literally eat them for breakfast. Also, watch this video:

Yeah, that bird isn't pissed or anything, Red-tailed Hawks just always sound that cool.

While most reviews label The Legend of Pale Male a sappy film, I don't really care. The point of seeing the movie is not the narrating or the creepers who spend their lives watching this bird and his mate. The point of seeing the movie is to watch a Red-tailed Hawk be awesomely cool. In Hollywood today, everybody has their CG animals, whether they're talking lions in Chronicles of Narnia, or talking bears in Golden Compass, or Hedwig from Harry Potter, or chipmunks, or hamsters, or whatever. The newest twist on the talking animal concept is The Beaver, which is about Mel Gibson communicating through a puppet. Literally the studio describes the film saying, "Walter can't seem to get himself back on track...until a beaver hand puppet enters his life." Anyway, what I'm saying is that Pale Male is the real deal. He isn't CG or made up. As one viewer put it, "The sight of a hawk flipping itself in mid-air and doing a dead drop into a flock of flying pigeons, emerging with lunch clutched in its claws, would be truly breathtaking even if it weren’t taking place against the incongruous backdrop of streetlights and building façades."

Trailer:

Director: Frederic Lilien

Not Rated.

IMDb page

I'm Most Excited About...#2

2010-12-08T10:00:00.000-08:00

"I am birdwoman. Feeeeear me"

So next on the list would be Aronofsky's Black Swan. This stars Natalie Portman, who you might know from her kind of important roles in the Star Wars prequels, V for Vendetta, and a hilarious rap song on SNL. She's also famous for looking like Ramona, that character from the Beverly Clearly kids books, in a movie called The Professional in which she plays a waifish orphan who convinces a professional assassin not only let her move in with him, but to teach her the ropes of you know, assassinating people so she can go on a murderous rampage against the people who killed her parents. Also she's like twelve. It is widely considered one of the greatest child actor performances of all time.

This is also a movie that completely disregards all gun safety
tips you ever thought were remotely important. Also all social
rules regarding older men and little girls.

In Black Swan, Portman portrays a young and talented (and dangerously unbalanced) ballerina who lands the role of a lifetime in "Swan Lake". But a new ballerina's(Mila Kunis) competition starts to push the already-possibly-insane girl off the edge. Her pursuit of the Black Swan may cause the dancer to lose her mind. Losing your mind is a big deal. Like Britney Spears shaved her head, big whoop. Natalie Portman's character is pretty sure she's turning into a bird. And not like Miley Cyrus put on some bird wings and stuck herself in a cage like some under-aged stripper. Like this:

"ACK! I'm a bird! I just pulled a freaking feather from my own skin!"

Portman, who is barely over five feet tall, reportedly lost 20 pounds for the film by eating only carrots and almonds, and worked out to the point that she was swimming a mile a day and rigorously practicing ballet for five hours a day. Please, spend months eating almonds and see how you feel about working out every day for five hours on your tippy toes. Portman's getting in character freaked the director out when he noticed her spine and ribs sticking out, and he insisted she eat more because that's just gross. Also she could collapse from exhaustion and it was dangerous to her health. According to Portman she's now eating healthily.

Look. This is a movie that the actors and the director have put an incredible amount of work into. I mean, the star actress starved themselves so you could see a good movie, so go see it dagnabbit! Director Darren Aronofsky's other notable work includes a couple of little films called Requiem for a Dream and The Wrestler, you might have heard of them before. So. Great star, plus an amazing director, plus a touch of psychosis, says to me: Great film.

Black Swan has been stacking up rave reviews to keep in a giant swimming pool which will be shipped off to Oscar voters come awards time to prove how awesome it is. Portman is considered to have guaranteed herself a spot on the Best Actress list at the Academy Awards with this performance. Says one blogger, "While the screenplay employs numerous twists to help bring about her state of mental anguish, her change from a timid young girl to psychotic, crazy bitch is nothing short of Oscar worthy." Now doesn't that just say it all?

Of course, you might be asking yourself why you'd want to see Natalie Portman as a half-starved, three-fourths-crazy psycho, but that's why this is my list, not yours.

Director: Darren Aronofsky
Rated: Rated R for strong sexual content, disturbing violent images, language and some drug use.
See the IMDb page here

WB Reboots Buffy...Without Joss Whedon

2010-12-07T18:08:00.000-08:00

Joss Whedon with the (amazingly good-looking) cast of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"

Joss Whedon recently responded to the news that WB is rebooting his "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" franchise without him by writing a letter that deserves to be reposted here. According to Whedon himself, this was his reaction:
This is a sad, sad reflection on our times, when people must feed off the carcasses of beloved stories from their youths - just because they can't think of an original idea of their own, like I did with my Avengers idea that I made up myself.

Obviously I have strong, mixed emotions about something like this. My first reaction upon hearing who was writing it was, "Whit Stillman AND Wes Anderson? This is gonna be the most sardonically adorable movie EVER." Apparently I was misinformed. Then I thought, "I'll make a mint! This is worth more than all my Toy Story residuals combined!" Apparently I am seldom informed of anything. And possibly a little slow. But seriously, are vampires even popular any more?

I always hoped that Buffy would live on even after my death. But, you know, AFTER. I don't love the idea of my creation in other hands, but I'm also well aware that many more hands than mine went into making that show what it was. And there is no legal grounds for doing anything other than sighing audibly. I can't wish people who are passionate about my little myth ill. I can, however, take this time to announce that I'm making a Batman movie. Because there's a franchise that truly needs updating. So look for The Dark Knight Rises Way Earlier Than That Other One And Also More Cheaply And In Toronto, rebooting into a theater near you.

Leave me to my pain!

Sincerely,

Joss Whedon

Here's what I got out of this letter: "I'm SO ENRAGED! but trying to be funny about it. Love (sarcastically), Joss Whedon".
Too many fans are " running through their hometowns filled with rage armed with pitchforks and molotov cocktails looking to make someone pay" as one blogger put it, because Poor Joss Whedon was just cast aside like an old toy to be replaced by no-name, no experience, 29-year-old Whitney Anderson. But in reality, Whedon was asked to head up the project last year and turned it down. JOSS WHEDON TURNED IT DOWN?! WHAAAAT?! Yes, I thought that might be your reaction, but look. Joss Whedon originally penned Buffy the Vampire Slayer the movie, which was released in 1992. Or actually, he penned the original script, and apparently the producers took it, butchered it, and released this:

The tagline is "Pert. Wholesome. Totally Lethal."

The concept was there, but Whedon's ideas had pretty much been thrown out the window, stomped on my a monkey in a feather boa, eaten by rats and the picked back up when they came out the other end. In other words, it was bad, and not what Whedon had written. Joss was asked to make a spin-off TV show, so he did. He did it his way, and this is what we have now:

That's Buffy with a gory battle axe that she just destroyed some evil dude with.

Let's keep in mind that Whedon created this show before vampires were absurdly popular, like they are today. "Buffy" wasn't about being cliched, it was about breaking stereotypes. Buffy is a smart-aleck, blond, tiny cheerleader, who normally would be the damsel in distress. Instead, she's the one saving everybody. As far as revolutionary strong female characters go, Buffy tops the list.

Joss Whedon worked with the cast of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" for 7 seasons, as well as the spin-off show "Angel". This guy and "Buffy" are legendary. Did you know he was nominated for an Emmy for a "Buffy" episode that didn't even have any dialogue in it. He's that good. So Joss Whedon wrote snappy, witty dialogue for Sarah Michelle Gellar for seven years, right? And this dialogue, the stories, the lore, are all Joss Whedon, and Gellar was his Buffy.

Now here's how I see it. Gellar is too old to play a high school cheerleader anymore. But she was, and always will be, Buffy to Joss Whedon. How could he make a reboot without her? And how could a reboot be made without him? That's what Whedon thought anyway. He passed on the job last year figuring his turn-down would bury the project. And then it didn't, and some actress wrote a script for a new Buffy. Not cool.

I just hope the producers and this "Whitney Anderson" have considered the consequences of pissing off the armies of fans who love Joss just as much as they love Buffy. After all, the point of making a reboot is to mostly attract the old fanbase to go see it. Except now the fanbase has been betrayed and enraged. Let me lay this out:

Disciples of Buffy = Disciples of Joss Whedon = possible violence against new "Buffy" reboot.

Pictured: actual "Buffy" fan in costume. Not pictured: murderous rage.

Aaaagh! The fluffy pink sweater with dead butterflies pinned to it makes it so much worse! Now imagine that outside your window at night ready to go all Buffy on your ass. Yeah. That's what I thought too. It's TERRIFYING.

Go ahead with your little reboot, WB, but just keep in mind what happened last time you tried to make a Buffy movie without Joss Whedon. And picture that pink-sweatered vampire girl outside your window. Hopefully it will frighten you out of making the movie, and you'll come to your senses and realize it's just a stupid idea.

I'm Most Excited About...

2010-12-07T13:26:00.000-08:00

These are a few films that have been on my radar for some time, and they're the films I'm probably most excited to see. Yes, yes, Green Lantern doesn't make the list, but neither does Nic Cage's upcoming film Drive Angry in which he drives around...angry. Honestly, I can't put Green Lantern on this list because I'm just not sure if it's going to be great, or if it's mostly just going to suck. Because the trailer wasn't so great, and I have a habit of basing assumptions for upcoming movies on their trailers. Also, I want to be incredibly excited for the movie (I mean Ryan Reynolds? How can that not be awesomely entertaining?) but also it could turn out like Fantastic Four. Or Spiderman 3. Yeah, I saw you cringe just now. Now you understand why I can't be excited for it yet. Moving on.

Some of these films have been released, but I haven't seen them yet, so there. Here's the first film of this series...

It stars James Franco, and pretty much no one else, and tells the true (not based on a true story, actually true) story of Aron Ralston, a mountain climber and adrenaline junkie, who has become an international symbol for the human will to live. In case you aren't familiar with the story, or somehow forgot it, Ralston was trapped for days without food or water after a solo adventuring trip went bad and he managed to get his arm pinned against a rock wall. Not only had he made the bad decision to go adventuring solo, but he also didn't tell anyone where he was going. Ralston, realizing no one was coming to rescue him and he was going to die, ended up cutting off his own arm. With a dull pocket knife. Upon realizing he was still in the middle of the freaking desert, Ralston rappelled down a cliff (with his bleeding stump of an arm), and started trekking into the desert before he ran into some hikers, who were nice enough to call 911. (But not nice enough to be there a few days ago before he amputated his own arm?

On the plus side, Ralston now has this sweet pickax arm.

Oops, sorry, I spoiled the movie. But c'mon, it's like Titanic, the point of the movie isn't really the plot anyway. Ralston apparently filmed his last goodbyes to his friends and family, and recorded what was going on while he was trapped. The tapes are so private, and probably so disturbing, that they have never been publicly released, and are kept in a bank vault. For the movie the director and Franco were allowed to see the recordings to get a better understanding of Ralston's state of mind. This isn't a movie you go see for some twist ending, or special effects. It's about a real human experience, it's about a state of mind, it's about an intimate look inside someone's head. (Also it's about a gruesome amputation scene that has caused audience members to vomit, leave, faint, and even have seizures.) The seizing woman was taken to a hospital and claimed the seizure was not caused by the film, although she hadn't had a seizure since she was a child.The retching and fainting audience members, however, apparently came back to watch the rest of the movie, although probably stayed away from the popcorn after that. Look, that tells me that people are willing to forgo washing that vomit-taste out of their nose and mouth just to see the end of the movie that made them hurl in the first place. Somehow to me that translates to "This movie is amazing". Now isn't that something to be excited about?

Director: Danny Boyle
Length: 94 min
Rated: Rated R for language and some disturbing violent content/bloody images.
See the trailer here.
See the IMDb page here.

Music Videos I've Recently Decided to Hate

2010-12-06T21:53:00.000-08:00

I was obsessively watching music video after music video yesterday. (In case you couldn't tell from all the music videos I'm posting.) And I ran into these two videos. They're terrifyingly awful.

Justin Bieber's "Pray"
As far as cotton candy pop goes, Justin Bieber kind of owns the market. And that's all cool and everything. We all enjoy a little guilty pleasure music every once in awhile- Miley Cyrus, JoBros, and Justin Bieber are pretty much the entire genre. And then there's this song, which seems nice. Until you see the music video, in which JB takes all the attention that should be given to Haiti and cancer children, and makes it all about him and how apparently nice he is. Which is just kind of disgusting. It also features Bieber playing guitar in a giant lighted heart to his audience of screaming girls, just in case they forgot what place he should occupy in their lives.

Jesse McCartney's "Shake"
First of all, why is Jesse McCartney still making music? Second of all, why is he wearing that suit in a music video that's all about ghetto ass-shaking? Also, what is the point of this video? I'm genuinely not sure what McCartney is trying to get across. Because he looks like a babyfaced pimp in a tailored suit who just stepped out of the 1950s. He seems thoroughly unimpressed by all of the girls in their underwear shaking it in his face. Maybe Justin Timberlake could look nonchalant in a moment like that, but McCartney looks like he's twelve, why is he so not excited about being a womanizer? Also he looks like this, which weirds me out:

Music Videos

2010-12-06T21:43:00.000-08:00

Great celebrity appearances in music videos:

Enrique Iglesias- "Push"

In all honesty, the creepiness of Enrique Iglesias filming a porno for these two actors, who recently played teenagers in the Step Up 2 movie almost ruins it, but whatever.

Lady Gaga's "Paparazzi"
Oh Alexander Skarsgard, you're so dreamy. Aaand then he pushes her off the balcony. Moving on...

Aerosmith's "Cryin'"
Stephen Dorff and Alicia Silverstone. Also, was that Josh Holloway- Sawyer from Lost??

Vampire Weekend's "Giving Up the Gun"
Jake Gylenhaal is the best thing about this video, it's just too funny. Also there's a JoBro in it, always a plus.

Elton John's "I Want Love"
It's rather heartbreaking to see Robert Downey, Jr. walk around in an empty palace singing Elton John, isn't it?

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers- "Into the Great Wide Open"
Who knew Johnny Depp had a starring role in a music video? It's kind of an awesome music video though.

It's Just Always Bothered Me

2010-12-06T20:47:00.000-08:00

Can we talk about this picture for a second? I think it's a wonderful marketing campaign that tells no lies. Here is Bella. Here are her two boy toys. They're all airbrushed and awesome looking. Look how shiny and smooth and slightly dead they all look! The fans don't care about the plot, or action, or whatever, they care about these three. So. Good poster design.

But wait. I mentioned something about the airbrushing and the looking dead. The problem is that Kristen Stewart's face seems to have been mysteriously pasted into this picture. Her hair doesn't even attach to her head, it's so bad. Also it makes her head look oddly tall. Like a conehead. Also her facial expression makes me think that A) she's really tired from doing her homework all night, B) she's suuuper high, or C) she's dead. I'm not sure how else you could get that facial expression that creepily expresses absolutely nothing. Seriously, look at her face. There's nothing there but dead...deadness. Strange...Also she has no ears, which is worrisome, particularly because it makes me think she does have ears, but they're just covered with her hair, which means her sideburns have grown out waaay too long.

Oo! Look check this out!

Ed Westwick's face fits here too!

Trailers

2010-12-06T20:21:00.000-08:00

Worst Trailer of the Day:

Just Wright. First of all, the title kind of sucks. Second of all this entire trailer plays like an example of what not to do. Mostly it represents of the big mistakes trailer-makers fall prey to: they put the entire film into the trailer. This trailer is long, drawn out, and features every conflict that will be in the film, AND the predictable ending. Truly unfortunate.

Best Trailer of the Day:

Cowboys & Aliens. First of all, who wouldn't go to see a movie titled "Cowboys & Aliens"? Second of all, it's freaking James Bond and Indiana Jones fighting freaking aliens in the freaking Wild Wild West. This trailer is the opposite of what we saw in the previous clip. We're given a taste of the idea of the film, and we see its three stars, some explosions, and that's just about it. You're left wanting to know more, despite the fact that almost nothing of importance has been revealed to you. Beautifully done.

Waiting For Superman

2010-11-10T17:03:00.000-08:00

If you ever had any doubts about the public school system's ability to teach children effectively, prepare to have them all confirmed. This film exposes the shameful, terrifying, awful (how many other adjectives for "disturbingly bad" can I use?) state of the public school system. If you're not quite sure why it's a big deal if the public school system you grew up in isn't the best, then you should see this film. In the education system Waiting for Superman depicts, our children's future is placed as a secondary priority next to teachers' job security. In this education system we spend more on feeding and supporting a convicted felon for a year than we do supporting a child's education for a year. In this system, schools are forced to retain poor teachers because of tenure, and year after year that teacher hinders the education of hundreds of kids. In this system, bad schools create drop-outs, a bad economy, and are a blight to not just their neighborhood, but the entire nation.

Waiting follows five young children: Anthony, Francisco, Bianca, Daisy, and Emily, and their families as they attempt to forge a better future for themselves through the public school system, a journey few kids ever successfully navigate or complete.

We need to wake up, smell the decaying stench of our public education system, and cut out the dying, infected flesh that's ruining the futures of our children, and the future of our country.

Directed by Davis Guggenheim
MPAA rating: PG for some thematic material, mild language and incidental smoking.
See the trailer here

Terminator Salvation

2009-11-04T17:19:00.000-08:00

The woman blows on her fingers to warm them. "I'm a little cold." The man sitting a few feet away eyes her, trying to discern the connotation of her comment. She rolls her eyes and moves next to him. "Relax," she says, pulling his arm around her "I just want some body heat." She puts her head on his chest, nestling closer to ward off the cold. Closing her eyes she listens to his heart beating. "You have a strong heart...god I love that sound."

Machines have annihilated most of the human race; a beating heart is a rare sound in 2018. Little does she know that the man whose heart she's listening to may be less man, and more Skynet's latest plan to slaughter what's left of the human race.

Skynet is an artificially intelligent defense system created for the US military. When Skynet became self-aware its creators attempted to shut it down. Skynet then viewed mankind as a threat to its existence and initiated "Judgment Day". In a nuclear holocaust most of the human race was decimated. It is now 2018 and John Connor, the prophesied leader of the Resistance, is on his way to fulfilling his destiny and destroying Skynet. But something is amiss.

Skynet has been trying to kill John Connor (Christian Bale) for years by sending Terminators, killing machines, into the past to murder the future leader of the Resistance. John Connor has been prepared for the future, because of all his mother had told him, but somewhere something changed. And the future is no longer the one she predicted. And this time, mankind might not make it out alive.

Marcus Wright (Sam Worthington) is a death row inmate who donates his body to science before Skynet is brought online. Wright awakes years into the future after Judgement Day. Wright knows nothing of Skynet or the Machines and he must reconcile his drive for self-preservation with the desire to make up for his past wrongs by aiding a young Resistance fighter named Kyle Reese.

The new "Terminator Salvation" was probably the most well-conceived Terminator plot yet. The early Terminator films can be called Arnold Schwarzenegger action flicks, with some mind-bending time travel thrown in. As the series went on the films began to take on something that could be called quality. The combination of a Schwarzenegger action style and an ever-more-complicated plot pulled in viewers who couldn't believe the writers could still experiment creatively with essentially the same storyline.

"Terminator Salvation" is a whole new animal compared to its predecessors. It features two male leads, neither of which is Schwarzenegger, and offers a story that's full of great action, that preserves the time-line of the earlier films, and that asks if being human is only a physical quality, or entails something even transcendent of flesh and blood. There are enough machines in the film to ensure that the actual "body count" isn't too high and you won't be traumatized by gushing blood. On the other hand "Salvation" doesn't try to sugar coat the future it portrays. The humans who are alive are dirty, starving, selfish, and embody the spectrum of human nature, often displaying more bad qualities than good. The film takes the classic tale of "Good versus Evil" and turns it around on the audience asking, "What is good?" and "What is bad?"

But don't hold your breath, it really isn't as cerebral as I'm making it sound. John Connor is wonderfully portrayed by one of the most talented actors in Hollywood today, Christian Bale. As much as I love Bale's work, and "Salvation" is no exception, his John Connor spends a lot of time unnecessarily yelling the majority of his lines. Further character annoyances can be found in Moon Bloodgood's character Blair, who is a far cry from the strong, but female, Sarah Connor from the previous films.

The best character in the film is done by newcomer Sam Worthington. His Marcus Wright is the raw and wriggling example of a human being on the hook. He is not an angelic, noble man necessarily. Neither is he all evil villain. He lands somewhere in the middle, as all of us do, struggling between right and wrong, good and evil. On some level don't we all? I can't put my finger on the exact quality that makes his performance so noteworthy. All I know is that Worthington took a Christian Bale movie about John Conner and turned it into a Sam Worthington movie about Marcus Wright. Any actor who can overshadow Bale is one talented SOB in my book.

One of "Salvation's" strongest aspects is the way the writers have worked the story into the original storyline. Skynet's latest scheme in killing John Connor is to murder his father Kyle Reese before he's sent back in time. Die-hard Terminator fans will be tickled to see Anton Yelchin ("Star Trek's Chekov) as a young Kyle Reese, and various other references to the previous films. A version of Arnold Schwarzenegger's Terminator even makes an appearance.

Conclusion: Any fan of the original series, of action flicks, will by default love this film. It's a quality action flick and one of my new favorite films. That means don't waste your time watching anything til you've seen this new installment of the Terminator series.
Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of sci-fi violence and action, and language.; Rated R for some violence and brief nudity. (director's cut)

See the Trailer here

Trivia:

All four 'Terminator' films have had their climactic battle scenes take place in industrial settings.
The third Terminator film to have the line, "Come with me if you want to live." In The Terminator (1984), Kyle Reese says it to Sarah Connor at the Tech-Noir club
In several scenes, Kyle can be seen wearing Nike shoes. They are strikingly similar to the Nike Vandals he wore in The Terminator (1984).
In the original The Terminator (1984) Kyle Reese asks the police "What day is it? What year?" And the first thing Marcus Wright says to Kyle Reese is "What day is it? What year?".

Twilight Sparks But Doesn't Ignite

2009-09-24T15:48:00.000-07:00

The human bares her tempting throat to the vampire, who lowers his mouth to her neck, his teeth moving ever closer to her pulsing jugular. As he approaches her soft flesh the tension mounts, but the fanged vamp just kisses her throat and pulls back. He won’t turn her tonight.

This is Twilight, a piece of tantalizing fiction from author Stephenie Meyer, brought to the big screen at the request of millions of desperate fans. The hero of this film literally sparkles, has ‘smoldering” eyes that change color, and says things like, “I hate you for making me want you so much.” Edward Cullen, Meyer’s vampire hero hasn’t necessarily captured the imaginations so much as he has invaded the fantasies of every preteen girl on the planet, who, at the mere mention of his name, sigh and whisper “Oh Edward.”

Twilight stars the lovely Kristen Stewart as Bella Swann, who has just moved to constantly overcast Forks, Washington. When Bella starts school she immediately takes notice of the impossibly beautiful, very mysterious Edward Cullen (played by Robert Pattinson), and soon discovers that Ed isn’t your average high school teen. He’s an immortal vampire. Of course she falls for the vamp, and they decide they can’t fight their love. Unfortunately, their love is punctuated by constant reminders that Edward is a guy who is constantly fighting the urge to sink his fangs into his girlfriend’s neck and suck her blood. When a vampire who hunts humans for sport starts hunting Bella, Edward fears he may not be able to protect her.

Although Twilight the book was an interesting read, the movie is what you’d call boring. Most of the film consists of Bella and Edward staring deep into one another’s eyes, frolicking in the forest, and playing vampire baseball with the Cullen clan while the audience waits for some kind of plot development. In addition to the glacially-slow-moving plot, I should mention the poor casting and poor direction of the four unfortunate actors playing Ed Cullen’s siblings, Jasper in particular. Either Jackson Rathbone (the actor playing Jasper) is a terrible actor, or he was appallingly directed, because throughout the film he appears on the verge of vomiting a small animal at any moment.

Despite its flaws the film isn’t half bad. In fact, the chemistry between Pattinson and Stewart as star-crossed lovers is so raw it’s dripping with the blood and guts of great acting. The couple may be the next Fred and Ginger, the next Depp and Burton, the next long-term cinematic partnership that could have great results.

Pattinson, who portrayed Hogwart’s golden boy, Cedric Diggory, in the last two Harry Potter films, is a rising star in Hollywood. With acting ability far exceeding that of his peers, the Twilight series may be able to catapult Pattinson to the fame and acclaim he deserves. As for Stewart, she starred with Meg Ryan and Adam Brody in In the Land of Women, and worked with Emile Hirsch in Into the Wild, films most people have never heard of, but were critically acclaimed for the actors’ performances. These two kids are packed with charm and charisma, good looks, and serious talent.

Twilight is going to provide both Steward and Pattinson the change to cement their status as gifted actors. Twilight itself may not be a particularly fantastic movie, but its stars are. Even though the story might be a bit dull at times the two lovers make it interesting. It’s the moments between the two main characters that make up for the otherwise egregious casting and the slow plot. Let’s hope that with Stewart and Pattinson at the helm, Bella and Edward turn out to be the next powerhouse couple of cinema.

Quantum of Solace

2009-01-12T18:05:00.001-08:00

Tuxedos, martinis, and golden guns belong to the world of the dashing James Bond we know and love.

This is not classic Bond.

Connery, Moore, and Brosnan were suave and gentlemanly, and infamously womanizing; Daniel Craig’s Bond is a rough and ragged representation of the MI6 agent before he became charming or conceived of his infamous “Bond, James Bond” line. A gritty backdrop and a bitter, brooding Bond allow the audience to glimpse the darker side of the British secret agent we once thought we knew. Although I once had misgivings about Craig’s being cast, his performance in “Casino Royale” last year and now “Quantum” have proven him worthy of this newly renovated Bond

.“Quantum of Solace” opens mere moments after “Casino” leaves off. Bond had been enamored with lover Vesper Lynd (Eva Green), who then betrayed her agent boyfriend and committed suicide in front of him by drowning herself. Filled with searing rage at Vesper’s betrayal, but also deeply troubled by his true love’s death, Bond is now smitten with sweet Revenge. Driven by his anger, Bond sets out to get even with the crooks responsible for Vesper’s betrayal and death, and he’ll kill anyone stupid enough to get in his way. Judi Dench plays “M”, Bond’s sensible boss, who finds it increasingly difficult to control an agent who has suddenly and violently turned rogue.

Naturally, Bond’s vengeance is served quite nobly in the end, and naturally his wrath is appeased after shooting, throttling, and killing as many thugs as he can. Just as naturally Bond meets mysterious and angst-filled Russian beauty, Camille (Olga Kurylenko), whom he can’t fall in love with because of Vesper- baggage, but must aid anyway because she’s a damsel in distress out for the same revenge Bond is looking for.

Although “Quantum” has been critically acclaimed for being actionpacked and “gritty” and “raw”, I find myself missing the old Bond a bit, with his “Bond, James Bond” and his famous martini, shaken not stirred, which have been noticeably absent from the new films. “Quantum” does provide a second look at the womanizing James Bond of previous films, allowing a more real, more human James Bond to emerge. Craig’s performances have truly been top-notch, as he exhibits his expansive range of talent. Whether he’s being angry and smoldering, or seductively chivalrous, or killing someone in cold blood, Craig can pull it off.

In fact, Craig’s emotional Bond proves the most interesting aspect of “Quantum” as the story, which centers around a political message, never gets better than boring. But seriously, it has a boat chase, a car chase, evil villains, sultry women, fancy cars, big explosions, and a good-lookin’ hero- what more could you want from James Bond?

Conclusion: If you're an action fan, or you love James Bond, or you can't get enough of Craig's cobblestone abs, rush to Blockbuster asap.

Rated: PG-13 for intense sequences of action and violence, and some sexual content

No Country for Old Men

2008-03-23T15:31:00.000-07:00

You Can't Stop What's Coming.

No Country for Old Men has the unmistakable mark of a Coen brothers film. It's part thriller, part comedy, part western, part action film. Somehow the Coens are able to wrap all of these elements into one fantastic film. Josh Brolin and Javier Bardem weren't that famous before this film, but they are now and their careers will certainly take off from here- they both gave smashing performances. There is no way to describe the experience of a Coen brothers film. It's not heartwrenching or a "ride of your life" really. I guess it's as close as you're going to get to swashbuckling cowboy-pirate-assassins in Texas duking it out as who will end up the most ultimate badass. It's just...a story. It's epic because it's not. It'll scare the sh*t out of you but you won't be able to look away. It's the Coen brothers, what more can I say?

Llewelyn Moss (Brolin) is your average dude. He's a Vietnam vet, lives in Texas in a trailer; his wife works at Walmart. Out hunting deer, Llewelyn stumbles across a drug exchange gone wrong. Everyone's dead; there are the drugs and there's the money, so why not take the money? It's a decision that will give him far more trouble than is worth even two million dollars, because the bad guys are about to come looking for it. Psychopath Killer on the rampage to kill Llewelyn is quite possibly the devil incarnate. Asked to describe how dangerous he is, one character replies, "Compared to what, the bubonic plague?" This guy is pretty much pure evil through and through. And he's coming for Llewelyn Moss. Trying to catch up with both of them as Llewelyn runs for his life, is Tommy Lee Jones as the local sheriff and Llewelyn's wife, Carla Jean.

In a Coen brothers film, you can't pick favorites. ALL of the casting is great; ALL of the acting is great; the cinematography is gorgeous too. How can a film that won 83 of 114 film award nominations be criticized? I really did love Brolin's performance; he really embodies his character. And Bardem's character won't just give you the chills, he'll give you nightmares. This is one of Tommy Lee Jones' best roles, mostly because he just gets to play himself. And Kelly MacDonald, the Scottish actress, sure does pull off a great west Texan accent.

Conclusion: The Coen brothers create instant classics. No Country For Old Men is no different, it really is incredible.

Rated: R for strong graphic violence and some language.

Trivia:

Heath Ledger had been in talks to play Llewelyn Moss
Joel Coen and Ethan Coen share the record of four Oscar nominations for a single person (in this case, shared by the two)
The credited editor for this film, Roderick Jaynes, is a pseudonym for Joel and Ethan Coen. Despite his non-existence, Jaynes was nominated for an Oscar for editing No Country For Old Men.

Jumper

2008-03-19T10:55:00.002-07:00

Hayden Christensen is back as a new version of Anakin Skywalker. Luckily, George Lucas didn't write the script for this film or we'd be in real trouble. A young man discovers that he holds extraordinary powers but then finds himself in the midst of a war that has been going on for a millennium between the forces of good and the forces of darkness. He must choose sides with his parent or with his girlfriend (who, thank God, doesn't end up being his sister.) I'm making it sound worse than it really is. I like the idea behind Jumper, it certainly has potential, and it certainly was entertaining; Christensen is even a descent actor if you can believe it. But there was too little character development, and too much ado about nothing and not enough ado about everything. If that makes sense.

David Rice is just a kid when he discovers that he has the power to transport himself anywhere he's seen before. Egypt, Rome, New York, Paris, anywhere. Dave leaves his less-than-great home life behind to start a new life. He can steal money from banks without breaking a lock after all, so he wants for nothing. Except love. And excitement. Dave finally gets up the nerve to ask his high school sweetheart (played by the mawkish Rachel Bilson) out on a date. To Rome. Unfortunately, Dave's carelessness is about to get him caught. While exploring the Colosseum, he learns that he's not the only one with transporting powers and evil religious fanatics are out to eradicate the transporters. It's a fight for his life that can have no happy ending.

Jumper is pretty entertaining until about the last 15-20 minutes, during which it starts to go a little downhill. At 88 minutes, it barely makes the cut for a feature-length film, and you can tell. This is an epic tale, or it could be; it's supposed to be this big story, big-picture film, but it's not. Even Sam Jackson can't breathe life into this walking corpse as lightsaber toting, Bible-quoting, Mace Windu-meets-Pulp Fiction Dude. But the effects are pretty good, and it's interesting to see Christensen in a mainstream film again. But overall, the director of the Bourne Identity has really taken a step down.

Conclusion: If you're a Sam Jackson fan or a Hayden fan, go see it, but you could skip it and I wouldn't blame you.

Rated: PG-13 for for sequences of intense action violence, some language and brief sexuality. [The brief sexuality is nonexistent, all person keep their clothes on]

Trivia:

The crew was allowed to film inside the Colosseum for three days under the condition that no equipment could be placed on the ground. The only lighting allowed was natural sunlight.
Two other actors were cast as before Christensen and Bilson but after 2 months of filming and inflating production costs, Hayden Christensen and Rachel Bilson were recast as the leads.

See the Trailer.

Step Up 2: The Streets

2008-03-17T10:41:00.000-07:00

The first Step Up was bad enough, only Channing Tatum (tantalizing eye-candy + acting skills) and Jenna Dewan's (talented dancer) relational story kept the film afloat. Unfortunately for Step Up 2, there is no story- or the story is barely hanging on by the thread of the main actress' slowly unraveling clothing. The acting is questionable and the dancing is entertaining, but not mind-blowing. Even though these are professional dancers with a professional choreographer, search YouTube and you'll find more impressive dancing.

The nearly-nonexistent story goes like this: Troublemaker, gang member, Andie, gets into MSA, an expensive private school as a charity case. Her "Street Dancing" is far too risque for Director Collins, who must teach her ballet (which proves to be completely pointless later). Andie finds the hottest guy in school, who has a mean ex-girlfriend, and they come up with a dance for their crew to compete in the Streets, a contest for street dancers. But can their relationship survive when they're from such different worlds? Sound familiar? In the first Step Up, Tyler Gage (Channing Tatum) is a troublemaker, gang member who goes to MSA for community service. He finds the hottest girl in school, who has a mean ex-boyfriend, and they come up with a dance for their crew to compete in the school talent show. But can their romance survive when they're both from such different worlds? Hmmm...
Anyway, Andie must face discrimination at the school, payback from her old crew, and Director Collins for the chance to prove that she's good enough for MSA, for the Streets, and for her place in the world. It sounds dramatic, but it's really just disappointing. It's a rehash of the same story with some new dance moves.

The new dance moves are entertaining, and impressive, don't get me wrong, but it's Tatum's cameo in the beginning of the film that provides the hook. The rest of the dancing is great, and the end dance is pretty impressive, but it just can't make up for the rest of the film.

Conclusion: Skip it in theaters, skip it on dvd, check out the dances on YouTube - it's just not worth it.

Rated PG-13 for language, some suggestive material and brief violence.

See the trailer

Trivia:

To prepare for the role of Chase Collins, Robert Hoffman actually went into the Baltimore city underground dance scene and participated in competitive break dance circles.

Atonement

2008-02-13T17:19:00.003-08:00

Atonement, I would have to say, is my favorite movie I've seen since I started Film Fancy. Considering I've probably seen (though not formally reviewed) 100+ films in that time period, that's saying a lot. But Atonement really takes the cake. It absolutely deserves its 13 BAFTA, 6 Golden Globe, and 7 Oscar nominations. It won Best Motion Picture at the BAFTA and Golden Globe Awards. Both McAvoy and Knightley give great performances as awkward sweethearts, as passionate lovers, and as tortured souls when separated from each other. Also, Saoirse Ronan gives an almost chilling performance as young Briony. The film seems light and sweet at first, but underneath can be felt a deep foreboding. Something is about to go very wrong.

Briony is the precocious younger sister of the ravishing Cecilia (Knightley). After an explicit letter from Robbie, the housekeeper's son, mistakenly makes its way into Cecilia's hands, the two realize their love for each other. Unfortunately, Briony, the messenger, read the letter. And later she walks in on the two lovers during a passionate episode in the library. Shocked and confused by what she has seen and read, a whirlwind of events later leads Briony to accuse Robbie of crimes he never committed. He is sent away to prison, and then to World War I still raging in Europe, irrevocably changing Cecilia and Robbie's lives forever. Although at the time Briony had no idea the gravity of her actions, she later sees that her false accusation broke her sister's heart, creating an irreparable rift between them, and ruined a good man's life. As she grows into a woman, Briony spends her life attempting desperately, though in vain, to atone for her sin.

McAcoy's performance is really outstanding. I really enjoyed his performance, as well as Knightley's. It was amazingly refreshing to see Knightley as a character who's actually a "grown-up" instead of a girl on the edge of womanhood. McAvoy and Knightley really do light up the screen together. The cinematography is beautiful, the settings and the lighting as well. Oddly enough, the fact that Atonement is a British film can actually be seen in the cinematography. Director Joe Wright has been nominated for several awards for Atonement, and with good reason. Child actress Ronan is really fabulous. On the whole Atonement is very, very good. If you haven't seen it, you really should. It's a beautiful, beautiful love story. Heartwrenching but a treat to watch. Very rich.

Conclusion: This is going on the official Unmissables list. It's captivating, it draws you in, it lets you feel what Briony feels, what Robbie and Cecilia feel. If you're old enough, or mature enough to see the sex scene, then go see it. In the theater, rent it, or illegally download it, it's a must-see.

Rated: R for disturbing war images, language and some sexuality.

See the trailer

Trivia:

James McAvoy considered the script the best he had ever read.
The opening film of the 2007's Venice Film Festival. Director Joe Wright, at 35, is the youngest director to have a film open this prestigious event.
As Robbie is taken by the police, Briony peers through a window decorated with figures in stained glass. One stained glass figure is labeled Matilda. This is an allusion to a famous children's poem by Hilaire Belloc entitled "Matilda", whose first line runs, "Matilda told such dreadful lies, it made one gasp and stretch one's eyes". By the end of the poem, Matilda has burned to death, having called wolf one time too many.

27 Dresses

2008-02-10T16:02:00.001-08:00

Starring Katherine Heigl and James Marsden

27 Dresses is your average romantic comedy. It's formulaic, it's predictable, and most of its characters are characters used in every romantic comedy. But. Heigl and Marsden make a great team, bringing out the best in each other, and there were some scenes where I was laughing pretty hard.

Jane has been in 27 weddings. And she's never been the bride. Jane is a bridesmaid. The perfect bridesmaid. She's the bride's best friend, the hairdresser, the dress model, the do-everything person. Jane's real job is assistant manager at a company. She happens to be madly in love with her boss, George. Jane has a sister named Tess who has come for a short little visit. Unfortunately, Jane introduces Tess to George, the two hit it off, and all of a sudden, they're getting married. And Jane has to plan the wedding. Into the picture comes Kevin, a writer for the Commitments column of the local paper who writes the most poetic things about weddings. In reality, however, Kevin is a bitter, cynical guy who hates weddings and thinks they're stupid. But Kevin finds Jane's perennial bridesmaid situation intriguing and, unbeknownst to her, decides to write a story on her.

Things get crazy. Jane is in love with George, who is marrying her sister Tess, who is lying to George, who doesn't know Jane loves him and Kevin is the perfect guy for Jane and Kevin likes Jane but Jane doesn't realize it because she's too busy pining after her sister's fiance. What can I say? It's classic. Romantic comedy that is. Heigl, best known for her role in Knocked Up and ABC's Grey's Anatomy, really shines. She's proven herself to be a great romantic comedy actress, and she does show a lot of potential for other roles; I just hope she takes advantage of that. Marsden is great too. His breakout role was in X-Men as Cyclops, and has since then managed to pick chronically blockbuster films to add to his resume (X-Men series, The Notebook, Superman, Hairspray, and Enchanted). I'd go to see a film just because Marsden makes an appearance, I enjoy his performances that much. 27 had some cute concepts, like Jane keeping all of her 27 hideous bridesmaid dresses, and Marsden's character was interesting. So to wrap it up, on to the conclusion...

Conclusion: Fun and entertaining, but predictability took away from that. Marsden and Heigl are great on screen together so if you like chick flicks, go ahead and check it out.

Rated: PG-13 for language, some innuendo and sexuality.

See the trailer

Trivia:

The wardrobe department reported that their initial designs for the dresses all looked too good on Katherine Heigl because of her figure, and they were hard-pressed to design bridesmaids dresses that would look bad on her.

Across the Universe

2008-02-10T15:04:00.000-08:00

Ever wanted the experience of doing drugs like Acid or E and having cool psychedelic hallucinations, but are too afraid to actually do the drugs? Well now you don't have to! Just go to your local Blockbuster and rent Across the Universe. But seriously now...Across the Universe tells the story of America during the 1960's, the Vietnam War, the drugs, the revolution, all of it using the songs of the greatest rock band in history, The Beatles.

In England, in the sixties, a young man named Jude sets off for America to search out his long-lost father. What he finds are the drugs and revolutions, peace and war, freedom and free love of the sixties. Jude meets Max, a college dropout who just wants to have fun, symbolizing the face of young American men. Through Max, Jude meets his friend's sister, Lucy. The two fall in love and would like to live happily ever after. But when Lucy gets involved with some not-so-peaceful radicals and Max gets drafted and sent to Vietnam, things are going to change.

Across the Universe is the tale of young men living and dying, the tale of young love , the tale of the confusion of the sixties. It's extremely symbolic and although you can enjoy it without knowing much about the Beatles or the Sixties, it's better understood if you know something about both. The entire movie, it's style, the songs, the color, represents the sixties. You really do feel like you're on some kind of drug trip, but it's a very interesting way to present this story since you're supposed to be seeing it through Jude's eyes. And this is what he would see.

Conclusion: Very enjoyable, but if you're not into the Beatles or musicals or the sixties or mass psychedelia, I'd steer clear. (Kids might find it frightening or especially confusing.)

See the preview

Rated: PG-13 for some drug content, nudity, sexuality, violence and language

Trivia:

This film was released in the United States on John Lennon's birthday (October 9th).
Prudence, a character in the film, first enters the apartment through the window, a reference to "She Came in through the Bathroom Window" by the Beatles.
he rooftop concert toward the end of the film is a reference to the rooftop concert of the Beatles atop Apple Records' headquarters, their final public appearance. The Beatles' concert was also interrupted by the police.

The Unmissables Vol. V

2008-01-21T21:10:00.000-08:00

Numbers 41 through 50 coming right up...Timeless classics, whose beauty and inspiration have never gone out of date, and some new, soon-to-be classics, that will live on in film history...

The Godfather Part I - Directed by Francis Ford Coppola, The Godfather is a classic of our time, starring Marlon Brando and Al Pacino in his first movie role. The story of the life of mafia families spans several generations. 8 Academy Award Nominations, 3 Wins, 5 Golden Globe Awards

42. Clerks I and II - Okay, this one is more of a cult classic, but Kevin Smith has created two characters now forever immortalized in his films, Jay and his heterosexual life mate, Silent Bob. The hilarity and raunch is matched only in its wit and profundity. (and maybe its profanity as well). Winner of 2 Cannes Film Festival and 2 Sundance Film Festival Awards.

43. Walk the Line - Joaquin Phoenix steals the film as the tortured Johnny Cash and his road to music stardom, his fall into drugs, and his agony and guilt over the past. Fabulously done, and the soundtrack is great. Nominated for 5, winner of 1 Academy Award, winner of 4 Golden Globe Awards.

44. The Departed - A troubled undercover cop must penetrate the criminal underworld undetected; a crooked cop is already inside the police department; the good cop is trying to uncover the mole inside his department; and a sadistic crime lord is about to bring it all down around them. Martin Scorsese, Leo DiCaprio, Matt Damon, Mark Wahlburg, and Jack Nicholson. Nominated for 5, winner of 4 Academy Awards; recipient of 47 other film awards.

45. Borat - Borat has come to America "for make benefit glorious nation of Kazakhstan", to make a documentary that will change comedy and film and the people Borat meets forever. Gloriously acted by Mr. Sasha Baron Cohen. Nominated for 1 Academy Award, Winner of 2 Golden Globes.

46. The Sound of Music - Julie Andrews plays an almost-nun who is sent to nanny a military man's (Christopher Plummer) children in Austria just on the brink of World War II. The Sound of Music is the true story of the singing Von-Trapp family. Winner of 5 Academy Awards.

47. Gone With the Wind - A breathtaking, epic view of the Old South before, during, and after the devastating Civil War. As seen through the eyes of young, vain, foolish Scarlett O'Hara. Also starring Clark Gable. Winner of 10 Academy Awards.

48. My Fair Lady - One of Audrey Hepburn's best films, also starring Rex Harrison. Harrison bets his friend that he can take a homeless girl off the streets and in six months, pass her off as a duchess at the Grand Ball. The homeless girl? Audrey Hepburn. Winner of 8 Academy Awards.

49. Napolean Dynamite - Napolean's crazy life win Grandma, Tina, Pedro, Kip, and Uncle Rico is a tale so un-epic, you'll love it. Hilarity ensues. Starring John Heder and his hilariousness.

50. Grease - A sweet girl and the school bad boy fall in love over the summer, but are surprised to find that they will be attending the same high school. Can their love conquer their reputations and their egos? Starring John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John, a musical. Nominated of 1 Academy Award, Recipient of 5 Golden Globe Awards.

3:10 To Yuma

2008-01-20T23:26:00.001-08:00

Dan Evans has a failing ranch, a family of four to support, a lot of debt on his back, and he's in a hell of a lot of trouble. Ben Wade is a wanted outlaw the railroads want to bring to justice for all the trouble he's caused them. When Evans signs up to help escort Wade to the prison train to Yuma for $200, he has no idea what he's getting himself into. Wade's ruthless gang will stop at nothing to hunt down their leader's captors to free him.

Evans is superbly played by Christian Bale, who gets too little recognition for his phenomenal roles. Russell Crowe plays the part of Ben Wade and the two make a fabulous, fabulous duo. The two onscreen together is beautiful to watch. When Evans' son gets mixed up in the whole affair, things turn from good to bad to ugly. Is Wade really all bad as he claims? He may just be. And there may be no way out for Evans, who becomes more and more trapped as the plot develops.

3:10 to Yuma is a western, but forget Clint Eastwood and John Wayne, this is like nothing you've ever seen. It's a western with new themes, new characters, and a new plot. Who would've thought THAT possible? Great directing and cinematography, and the script and story and plot are all top-notch. By the way, Ben Foster puts on a particularly great show as Wade's cutthroat right-hand man. You might see parts of yourself in these characters (I particularly loved Evans, Bale really nailed him), or you might not. But there are explosions and shoot-em-ups and even a horse chase. It's a guys action film but with enough drama and emotion for girls too. It's a film about reality and heroism and the courage to do what's right. And sometimes doing the right thing isn't just the most difficult, it might be the most dangerous too.

Conclusion: It's got two thumbs up from me and certainly will be on a top-something list of mine.

Rated: R for violence and some language

Trivia:

Russell Crowe, the director, and the producer, all specifically asked for Christian Bale to play Evans.
The weekend before shooting was scheduled to wrap, a freak storm dumped nearly 2 feet of snow on the supposedly drought plagued town. Laborers shoveled the snow from the buildings' balconies and roofs and distributed 89 dump trucks worth of dry soil on the ground.

Cloverfield

2008-01-20T22:56:00.001-08:00

Prepare for the end of the world as you know it.

It was just a regular day. We planned a surprise part for Rob. He's like, my main dude, but he's leaving for Japan to land a new job. It wasn't that great of a party really, some nasty stuff went down and it kinda went downhill from there you could say. So after there's this big argument between Rob and this girl, there was this explosion. Yeah, I told you it got worse. At first we thought it was another terrorist attack or something, but it wasn't. There were explosions and fires and stuff, we could see it from the roof. We ran out to the street and for a moment, I saw it. It was, well I don't know exactly what it was, but it was huge and it was destroying the city. I thought it was Armageddon. I mean, I thought I was gonna die.

Filmed on a home-movie camera, Cloverfield is about a small group of people who must survive a monster attack on New York City. When you go to see it, be prepared to be scared out of your pants, or at least to wet them. The camera work is shaky and sometimes blurry and sometimes pointed in the wrong direction, but the filmmakers did a crazy-good job on this. I wasn't sure if Cloverfield could live up to J.J. Abrams' hype, but wow, it does. Great choreography and lighting, and the effects were absolutely insane. (I can explain if you saw it and don't understand why I think they're amazing.) I loved the way they used background noise as a soundtrack almost. Deep humming machines, roaring, etc. takes the place of music. Also, the conflict of emotion they're able to evoke from the audience is amazing. Just when you're scared out of your mind, a character will say something utterly offbeat and funny. And you will definitely be scared out of your mind. A New York viewer said he came out of the theater half expecting to see the city in ruins.

Great performances by virtually unknown actors and actresses, really adds to the film and lets you focus on the story. The filmmakers really want you to focus on sounds and the story, so they add elements like blurriness or something when you need to be listening carefully, perhaps to a conversation, that's important to the story. They take a page out of Hitchcock's guide to suspense films and definitely apply the motto "What you don't see is more frightening than what you do see." Anyway, if you won't get annoyed by the shaky camera waving all over the place, go see Cloverfield. Definitely very enjoyable, got a good scare out of me, very well, done, I'd recommend it to the 14-40 age-group since they'll be more likely to be able to handle the seasickness brought on by the camera and still enjoy the film. Most excellent.

Conclusion: See it. Now.

Rated: PG-13 for terror, violence, and some disturbing images (Don't take little kids to see this, okay?)

Trivia:

The teaser trailer was shot before principal production began with small digital cameras.

The film has no soundtrack whatsoever.

The Butterfly Effect

2008-01-20T15:39:00.000-08:00

A butterfly flapping its wings could cause a tornado miles away

Evan, Kayleigh, Tommy, and Lenny are just four ordinary kids, but when a game goes tragically awry, it changes all of their lives forever. Evan is 20-something and a successful college student when his quest to remember the memories he's repressed is fulfilled. But the memories he can now recall should have been left alone, and when Evan discovers a way to change the past, he thinks he can save his friends. But what Evan doesn't know is that any little change he makes in the past creates and entirely different future. Evan is getting deeper and deeper in and there may be no way back.

Evan is played (surprisingly well) by Ashton Kutcher. He does a great job, although the planes of emotion coming from an actor from movies of the Dude-Where's-My-Car-caliber is entirely unexpected. The same goes for Amy Smart, who is a normally comedic actor, but in Butterfly she seamlessly transitions from heartbreakingly tragic to upbeat prep characters. The chaos theory is a great premise for a movie, although the premise has been polluted by some silly plot factors.

Butterfly is shocking to the max. I mean, seriously disturbing. Keep small children and kids under age 16 away from it. There are a lot of under-the-sheet scenes along with themes like massive drug abuse, animal abuse, child abuse, sexual abuse, child pornography, suicide, a LOT of violence, and sex, so just be aware. This is a very good movie, or at least I was impressed by it. The acting is very very good and the story is just so so heartbreaking.

Conclusion: If you can stomach the strong, well, everything, then go for it.

Rated: R for violence, sexual content, language and brief drug use.

Trivia:

During one of Evan's "flashback" scenes, he can be heard reading part of Ray Bradbury's short story "A Sound of Thunder". In this story, a group of people travel millions of years into the past to hunt dinosaurs. One of them accidentally steps on and kills a butterfly, which dramatically alters the future.
Ashton Kutcher did extensive research on psychology, mental disorders, and chaos theory to prepare for his role in this film.

See the trailer here

In the Land of Women

2008-01-14T21:32:00.000-08:00

"Women have always been drawn to you," Carter's mother tells him, and unfortunately he's right. At 26 years old, Carter has had one failed relationship after another. Finally, when the girl of his dreams ends their relationship, he decides to escape. To get away from women and away from his entanglements with them, he leaves for Michigan to take care of his grandmother. But Carter's mother is right and by day two he's got three new women in his life, plus his grandmother who insists upon her imminent death, but is in perfect health.

Carter's story is sweet and both heartbreaking and heartwarming. Kristin Stewart and Meg Ryan pull the universal mother-daughter, love-hate relationship off to a T. Like Waitress, this is not your average romantic comedy. In fact, it's difficult to call it one at all. The humor is there, and the romance, but it just doesn't have the same feel. In some ways it seems very linear, but in others it is so discursive.

Kudos to both Ryan and Stewart; Ryan nailed a role I didn't think she could pull off, and Stewart (most famous for her starring role in The Messengers) is a great addition to the film. But Brody's character is witty and lovable, and also flawed. Brody finally got a starring role in something and got to act his age. Well, almost. This is a film about growing up and the meaning of life and individuality and finding out what you really want. And it's not just Carter's journey, he takes along everyone he meets along the way, including you.

Conclusion: If you can handle to randomness and the unconventional-ness, it really is a pretty awesome film.

Rated: PG-13 for sexual content, thematic elements, and language. (Again, don't take little kids to see it)

See the trailer here

Waitress

2008-01-14T21:30:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time there lived a Waitress. Named Jenna. But Jenna's life was not a storybook life. She makes minimum wage and her husband is repulsive. She is saving money to run away from him, but when Jenna finds out about her unwanted pregnancy, everything changes.

Jenna is played by Kerri Russell, who gives a superior performance, very well done. The characters here are absolutely amazing. I'm not sure who wrote the script and the characters for this film but a thousand kudos to them, because they're excellent. The characters are sometimes quirky yes, but very real and you can really identify with them. Jenna is a fabulous character and her development is extraordinary.

Waitress is very well acted, with pleasing appearances by Andy Griffith and Eddie Jemison, as well as great performances by Nathan Fillion and Jeremy Sisto. Sisto is Jenna's horrible husband, and Fillion is the alternate love interest. This isn't your typical romantic comedy. It's such a bright setting juxtaposed with the black humor. But it is extremely original. I really, really enjoyed this movie and I would recommend it to just about anyone. It does have some themes that might induce questioning from small children, like adultery, domestic violence, etc., and if those themes are particularly provocative for you, you might want to steer clear of this one.

Conclusion: Waitress will draw you in, play with your emotions, and you'll love it. PS: It's not really a guy's movie. No explosions.

Rated: PG-13 for sexual content (Earl and Jenna), language, and some thematic elements.

Trivia:

The movie took only 20 days to shoot.

Superman Returns

2008-01-12T00:57:00.000-08:00

Picking up where Christopher Reeves left off in the 1980s, director Bryan Singer resurrects Superman from obscurity to one of the best Superhero movies in a long superhero movie streak. When scientists find the remnants of Superman's home world, Krypton, Superman leaves Earth to search it out. Five long years later he returns to find the world in chaos and Lois Lane a mommy, engaged to be married, and a Pulitzer Prize winner for a piece entitled "Why the World Doesn't Need Superman". When Lex Luthor devises a sinister scheme that will kills billions for his own profit, Superman must rise once more to save mankind. But Lex Luthor nearly killed him once before and Luthor may have more than one trick up his sleeve. Will evil triumph or will Superman overcome? See Superman Returns and find out.

I very much enjoyed Routh's Superman. He did an excellent job, no overacting, which was a relief, and he really plays the part so accurately. Plus, he's a Reeves look-alike. Anyway, he really did a good job. Bosworth was enjoyable as Lois Lane, but Kevin Spacey's performance as Lex Luthor really is fabulous, as well as being wonderfully entertaining. James Marsden also costars as Lois' fiance and as always delivers a great performance.

In addition, the effects are impressive and the story is very well done and moves along well. Also, we are not really formally introduced to any characters, but it's as though we just come in to the middle of the story and are expected to know the characters already, which furthers Singer's concept of a sequel/remake. And the script isn't stupid either, which is a relief. I can't get over Routh's performance, he really does pull his role off very, very well. I like the subtleties of his acting. The reintroduction of Superman is great. It's dramatic and entertaining and manages some great comic relief as well.

Conclusion: Definitely see Superman Returns it's entertaining and not what you'd expect.

Rated: PG-13 for some intense action violence. It's okay for kids 8 and up, it's certainly not scarier or more violent than Lord of the Rings, so...

Trivia:

The last line of Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987) (the one before "Returns") is Superman saying to Luthor, "See you in twenty." That scene was filmed in 1986. Coincidentally, twenty years later, in 2006, the next Superman movie was released.
Bryan Singer wanted Christopher Reeves to make a cameo appearance in the film but Reeve died before filming began. Singer then decided to dedicate the film to him.
Brandon Routh put on 20 pounds of muscle for the movie.
The corn on the Kent farm was grown by the crew in Australia, a particularly difficult feat since Australia was in the middle of a 7-year drought.

I Am Legend

2007-12-31T00:25:00.001-08:00

This is definitely Will Smith's masterpiece. I have never seen finer acting from him, and he's a legend in and of himself. Very, very well done. For two hours the camera focuses on him, his face, and pretty much nothing else. It is difficult to captivate an audience for that long, particularly when the only source of interest is Smith's face. But he really does pull it off.

A cancer wonder-drug backfired, went airborne, and wiped out all of human existence. Save for one man. Dr. Robert Neville, a brilliant scientist, for some reason survived the onslaught and lived to fight back. He is the last human on Earth, but he is not alone. Mutated humans, little more than animals now, now roam the streets at night looking for a snack, sniffing for blood, hungry. For three years Neville has been searching for a cure, desperate, and hoping that he's not alone, but for three years he's been utterly disappointed. How long can he hold out? How long can the last human survive in such hopelessness, such madness, such fear, and so hunted? Every day is a fight for his life.

Brilliantly directed by Francis Lawrence, Legend really takes the cake as one of my favorite movies this year. Excellent, really excellently done on Smith's part. You truly believe in Neville, his character. And you see yourself in his place and wonder what you would do in his position. Of course, all zombie movies, even the glorified Will Smith versions, must have ubercounts of jump scenes, but it really adds to it all. It makes you just as paranoid as Neville. Give yourself a good scare without the horror of something like Saw. It's fun.

Conclusion: If you're looking for a good scare without the blood and gore of a normal movie like this, then Legend is right for you.

Rated: PG-13 for intense sequences of sci-fi action and violence.

Trivia:

The studio spent an estimated $5,000,000 for a 6 night shoot in New York involving the Brooklyn Bridge. To film in this location, the producers needed the approval of up to 14 government agencies. The producers had to bring in a crew of 250, plus 1,000 extras, including 160 members of the National Guard in full combat gear.

In the scene in Times Square, there is a billboard for the fictional "Superman/Batman" movie, slated to open 5/15/10.

Winter Films

2007-12-03T16:40:00.000-08:00

These are the films I most look forward to seeing this December, January, and February.

The Golden Compass Release: Dec 7
Director: Chris Wietz

Starring: Dakota Blue Richards, Nicole Kidman, Daniel Craig, with the voice talen of Freddie Highmore and Ian McKellen

Synopsis: In a parallel universe, young Lyra Belacqua journeys to the far North to save her best friend and other kidnapped children from terrible experiments by a mysterious organization.

Based on the children's series His Dark Materials by Phillip Pullman

Tag: There are worlds beyond our own - the compass will show the way.

I Am Legend Release: Dec 14, 2007
Director: Francis Lawrence

Starring: Will Smith

Dr. Robert Neville must find a way to reverse the effects of a virus that has turned everyone on earth except him into mutants.

Tag: The last man on earth is not alone

Charlie Wilson's War Release: Dec 25, 2007
Director: Mike Nichols

Starring: Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts, Phillip Seymour Hoffman

Synopsis: A drama based on Texas congressman Charlie Wilson's covert dealings in Afghanistan, where his efforts to assist rebels in their war with the Soviets have some unforeseen and long-reaching effects.

Tag: A stiff drink, a little mascara, a lot of nerve. Who said they couldn't bring down the Soviet Empire.

Cloverfield Release: Jan 18, 2008
Director: Matt Reeves

Starring: Nothing definite

Synopsis: A small group of people must survive a monster attack on the city of New York.

Tag: 1.18.08

The Spiderwick Chronicles Release: Feb 15, 2008
Director: Mark Waters

Starring: Freddie Highmore, Sarah Bolger

Synopsis: Upon moving into the run-down Spiderwick Estate with their mother, twin brothers Jared and Simon Grace, along with their sister Mallory, find themselves pulled into an alternate world full of faeries and other creatures.

Tag: Their world is closer than you think.

The Other Boleyn Girl Release: Feb 28, 2008
Director: Justin Chadwick

Starring: Natalie Portman, Scarlett Johanssen, Eric Bana

Synopsis: The story of two beautiful sisters, who, driven by their family's blind ambition, compete for the love of the handsome and passionate King Henry VIII (Bana).

Tag: The only thing that could come between these sisters...is a kingdom.

Rescue Dawn

2007-12-03T16:08:00.000-08:00

Full of utterly raw emotion, Rescue Dawn is absolutely breathtaking. Fantastically directed by Werner Herzog, Rescue Dawn is the true story of Dieter Dengler, an American polot shot down over Laos during the Vietnam War. He is captured and taken to a POW camp. There he meets Eugene DeBruin and Duane Martin, two other pilots also shot down over enemy territory. Starving, the cadaverous pilots plan a daring escape.

Dieter is beautifully portrayed by actor Christian Bale (Batman). Steve Zahn (Sahara) is his surprising companion as Duane Martin. Zahn does an incredible job, expressing utter desperation, embodying Tragedy itself. The part of Eugene deBruin is brilliantly, brilliantly done by actor Jeremy Davies().

This phenomenal cast coupled with the cinematography and the story being told makes for a truly incredible film. Realistic, raw, painful, Rescue Dawn tells a story of courage, optimism, self-reliance, and loyalty in a whole new way.

Conclusion: This isn't your everyday, run-of-the-mill war movie with lots of explosions and guns. It is just as frightening but with more thought behind it and a more artistic storyteller.

Rated: PG-13 for some sequences of intense war violence and torture. Do not take small children to see this movie.

Moulin Rouge!

2007-12-02T22:32:00.000-08:00

No Laws. No limits. One rule. Never fall in love.

Gorge yourself on the spectacular spectacle that is Moulin Rouge! It’s a feast of color, a banquet of beauty, the heartbreaking tale of two doomed, forbidden lovers. Starring Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman, Moulin Rouge! is like nothing you’ve ever seen before. It is a breathtaking psychedelic adventure of beauty, freedom, truth, and love.

Set in 1899 in the heart of Paris, a young penniless writer named Christian (McGregor) meets the beautiful Satine (Kidman), a promiscuous dancer, through a case of mistaken identity. They fall in love and would like nothing more than to live happily ever after, but for a man named Zidler and a repulsively evil duke. The Moulin Rouge is a seedy dance hall turned theater that could give Satine everything or ruin her. Will Christian and Satine overcome, or will the evil forces at work destroy their happy ending? Find out behind the red curtain of Moulin Rouge!, “A spectacle beyond imagination, a fantastic world where nothing is forbidden and everything is possible!”

An incredible musical by Baz Luhrmann, Moulin Rouge! cannot be missed. Both Kidman and McGregor perform their own songs (impressively well, I might add), and I have never seen a better acting performance by either.

Conclusion: Stop reading this, go rent it right now and experience the Moulin Rouge!

Rated: PG-13 for sexuality. Kids under 13, maybe even 15, shouldn’t see this movie. It could be hard to explain.

Trivia:

Filming was halted for two weeks in November 1999 after Nicole Kidman fractured two ribs and injured her knee while rehearsing a dance routine for the film. Many of the scenes where she is seen only from the chest up were shot while she was in a wheelchair.
The necklace worn by Nicole Kidman was made of real diamonds and platinum and was the most expensive piece of jewelery ever specifically made for a film. The Stefano Canturi necklace was made with 1,308 diamonds, weighing a total of 134 carats and was worth an estimated US$1 million.

Pirates of the Caribbean

2007-10-24T10:14:00.000-07:00

Pirates 3 was, unfortunately, one of the not-so-great movies I've seen this year. Great acting yes, but the actors are working with a crappy script and an even worse plot. Jack Sparrow's character has been further distorted from his original personality. And now he's apparently **SPOILER** schizophrenic. Most of the effects were pretty good, but at some points I wondered how they could have come out with such low-grade effects when their budget was so huge. The characters spend most of the movie following a side plot. A SIDE PLOT. and then by the last 30 minutes they get back on track. It had a pretty good ending, but the plot has so many holes it's like...well, just go ask a ninja. Keith Richards was great, Chow Yun-Fat totally sold out, Knightley, Bloom, and Rush are great but, as usual, overpowered by Depp. Go see it because you have to finish out the trilogy, but don't expect anything that will change your life or blow your mind. As one reviewer put it "I wanted to like it, but..." Read the full review at IMDb.com.

Conclusion: It's entertaining if you can try to forget about the plot holes, etc., so go see it.

Rated: PG-13 for intense sequences of action/adventure violence and some frightening images.

Trivia:

Captain Barbossa can be seen wearing an Eagle Scout ring in several sequences. This ring signifies that some one in Boy Scouts has earned the highest rank known as Eagle.
They started filming without a finished script.